Today...

Sooo...today my parents had a 25th wedding anniversary party at our house. It was nice to see my family and mingle a bit. Some pictures were taken...not much of me because I looked a hot mss today. LMAO. But uhhh....yea...my parents were taking a picture by the cake and some of my family members are going to say "KISS! KISS!" So yea...I walked away...I did not ant to see it. My parents (well more my mom) are not the mushy type so it would just be weird to me....ya dig? Now, that everyone went home...my parents are in the living room with my little sister talking.

I want to go to my aunt's annual New Year's Eve get together...I heard my dad say that we might stop by...but knowing my dad...if we do...we wont be there long. yea...he's what you call a "party pooper" at times...still love him though. I want to sleep over though...let's see how that goes. All my life, my dad has been against me sleeping over anyone else's house but the house I live in. He flipped out once when I slept over my cousin's house! Ugh...it's so annoying because even now that I am a so called "adult" he still has a say in what I do when I'm home. Ugh....

I'll post some pics from the party laterrrrr =]

Nikki Jean and F.Y.E.!! YES!!

Nikki Jean, you might have heard of her...if not...she's pretty much a big deal! She sings the chorus in Lupe's song, "Hip Hop Saved My Life" (her part is one of my ring tones! =]). She also sings in the song, "Little Weapon." Her voice is very unique in a way...I like it! So check her out! She has a myspace, Nikki Jean's myspace.

Oh yea...I went to F.Y.E. today to use my gift card =D. Man!!!! They had a sale! I know I know...."for real?" Yes, for real! I was shocked too! Buy 2 Used items and get 1 free!!!! HOT! I dont mind getting used stuff from stores like F.Y.E. because I know it's guaranteed good quality! =]. I was so happy in there! I was mad I didn't find Used Marvin Gaye though =(. AND....I was excited to see a Nas album that I do not own yet, but know all the songs in (jeje)...but it was the CLEAN version...What the...???? I don't want no clean version!!!!! I want what the artists originally made before the SWEEPERS got to it! It's okai...I'll go to Amazon.com LMAO

And...I have the house to myself tonight until my parents and my little sisters return from a Sweet 16 Party. I don't really like being alone at the house at night, but I've made it fun I guess LMAO. I made myself some mac and cheese...changedinto my PJs and watched one of my Def Poetry Jam dvds! LMAO...Now I'm here writing on this blog while listening to Toni Braxton's first cd LMAO. Be back soon!

Ugh...It Never Fails

CHRISTmas is one of my favorite holidays of the year...not only because I receive gifts, but because I love seeing my family together (I know it sounds cheesy but it's true). Oh yea! Also, now that I'm in college, Xmas presents the beginning of my vacation which is much needed. I love it! I get to see my friends from high school and I get to "relax" a bit. Xmas this year presented nothing, but anger this year.

First, on XMas Eve, me, my father, and mother got into a huge argument. So big my father made a hole on the kitchen wall by throwing some keys...yea...he's a pretty strong dude.

Yea...my mother pretty much hates me now. "Supposedly" she woke up crying yesterday because of the altercation between us the night before. My mother never cries and never speaks of her crying...that's why I find it hard to believe. Last night, I kept thinking that my mom felt a strong hate towards me which made me not want to sleep alone. So, I slept in my little sisters' room with one of the twins and one of them slept in my room alone. I can't explain the feeling, but all I know is that I did not want to be in that room alone last night.

A few minutes ago, I got into a mini fight against my little sister...and now she basically hates more than she did before. Of course, my mom is on her side because I'm seen like the devil here.

Yea...............in conclusion, everyone in this house hates me right about now. Man...there just can't be peace in this house when I'm around I see. I need to get out of this house!!!! I need my peaceful dorm room!

"The Cool"

So...one of my FAVORITE rappers and ARTIST in general, Lupe Fiasco, is about to release his much anticipated sophomore effort, "The Cool." What's even DOPEr? MTV has it featured on LEAK...hence: GO LISTEM TO IT!!! It's incredible! An awesome follow up to "Food and Liquor." I already pre-ordered my copy. So what are you waiting for? Go to theleak.mtv.com and listen to it. It's worth your eardrum's time...trust me.

I love the entire album, but my personal favorites so far are "Paris, Tokyo" (Sounds so much like a song from A Tribe Called Quest, my favorite rap group!), "The Coolest," "Hi-Definition," "Intruder Alert," "Streets on Fire" (the hook in this song is so hypnotizing), "Dumb It Down," and "Hip-Hop Saved my Life."

PS - I LOVE YOU LUPE!!!!

Look What I Found

I'm not sure if you can see it (if you can't, click the image), but Lauren London seems to have a tattoo on her right breast. I'm not sure if it's a tattoo of the letter L or there is more underneath. It's an interesting tattoo. I haven't seen that done before...at least not on a female. I like it!

I'm thinking about getting a tattoo so I'm always looking out for ideas. I'm not sure if I'll be getting a tattoo there, but I still think it looks really cute.

Another thing, is it me or do they look pretty distant? Hmmm...I don't know. I'm not trying to assume that they have "beef," but they don't seem to acknowledge each other in this picture or any other picture I've seen on this event. Maybe they never met before. Who knows? All I know is that they're both beautiful...I love Lauren's tattoo and Cassie has on some pretty tough jeans. ;) (oh yea...I love Lauren's dimples...I'm jealous! I've always wanted dimples! lmao)

Hip Hop...........................Then

I wish I was older during 1993 when this song came out. I appreciate this song greatly, but I feel as though I would have more of a close relation to it if I had a clear consensus of where I was when this song was released. I LOVE Hip Hop! Hip Hop was so pure then. It was a supplement and a true work of art. Everything in the video is real. No flashy cars in sight, no "groupies," no jewelry flashing. I love it! It is truly about the music.

I still listen and enjoy the music that is out now, but it's crazy how I don't get this weird sense of warmth in my heart as I do with songs like "'93 Til Infinity." Of course, not ALL of the rappers out now suck (lol).

Rappers like Common, Mos Def, Talib Kweli, Lupe Fiasco, Naledge, etc don't make music based on irrelevant topics. They rap about real issues. Issues that relate to the society in a different venue. In a way it's like their "Abstract Hip Hop." You can tell they make music for not only themselves, but the fans as well. They want their music to have a moral behind it which I love and greatly appreciate.

These are real chill words. You can truly tell that the group was relaxing and vibing in the studio while recording this song. It's a funny song. The group unintentionally created a simple hit song (hence: the simplicity of the chorus). I love it. It makes me wish music now was the same as it was back then...carefree.

'93 Til Infinity - Souls of Mischief

Yo, what's up, this is Tajai of the mighty Souls of Mischief crew. I'm
chillin with my man Phesto, my man A-Plus, and my man Op, you know he's
dope. But right now yo, we just maxin in the studio. We handlin from East
Oakland, California and, um, sometimes it gets a little hectic out there.
But right now, yo, we gonna up you on how we just chill.

Dial the seven digits
Call up Bridget
Her man's a midget
Plus she got friends, yo, I can dig it
Here's a fourty, swig it
Ya know it's frigid
I got em chillin in the cooler
Break out the ruler

Damn
That's the fattest stoke I've ever seen
But what does ?keen and Cali? gettin weeded
Makes her feel like Maui
Now we
Feel the good vibrations
So many females, so much inspiration

I get inspired by the blunts, too
I'll front you
If you hang with a punk crew
I roam the strip for bones to pick
When I find one, I'm done
Take her home and quickly do this
I need not explain this
A-Plus is famous
So get the anus

Hey, miss
Who's there?
I'm through there
No time to do hair
The flick's at eight
So get it straight
You look great
Let's grub now
A rub down sounds flavor,
Later. There's a theatre
We in the cut
The cinema
Was mediocre
Take her to the crib so I can stroke her


(I thought Tajai was so cute when I was little lol)


Kids get broke for their skins when I'm in
Close range. I throws game at your dip like handball
Cause the man's all that
All phat
I be the chill from 93 'til

Yeah, this is how we chill from 93 'til
This is how we chill from 93 'til...


Huh, my black Timbs do me well
When I see a fool and he says he heard me tell
Another person's business
I cause diziness
Until you..stop acting like a silly bitch

Yo, crews are jealous cause we get props
The cops
Wanna stop
Our fun, but the top
Is where we're dwelling, swelling, phat
No sleep
I work fifteen jerks get their hoes sweeped
Under their noses
This bro's quick
To hit blunts and flip once I'm chillin cause my crew's close, kid

I boasted
Most kids accept this as cool
I exit
Cause I'm an exception to the rule
I'm steppin
To the cool spots where crew's flock to stare at them
Or see where the shit that's flam b
Bland leaking out his pocket
So, I got tons of endo
And go to the ho in's
Basement
My ace spinned
Phat and enough tracks
Time to get prolific with the whiz kid

Greenbacks and stacks
Don't even ask
Who got the fat sacks
We can max
Pumpin phat tracks
Exachangin facts about impacts
Cause in facts, my freestyle talent overpowers
Brothers can't hack it
They lack wit
We got the mack shit
93 to infinity
Kill all that wack shit

Ah, this is how we chill from 93 'til
This is how we chill from 93 'til...


I be coolin'
School's in session
But I'm fresh and
Rappin
So I take time off to never rhyme soft
I'm off on my own shit
With my own click
For many bad bros with their fat stoke gettin blunted
Folding blunts
Holding stunts captive
With my persona
Plus, I bomba
Testin
Niguhs is testin
My patience
But I stay fresh and

Restin at the mall
Attendance on low
But I am shopping for my winter
Exploits: some new fits
Some new kicks
I often do this
Cause it's the pits not being dipped

Flip - the flier attire
Female's desire
Baby, you can step to this if you admire
The ex - traordinary dapper rapper
Keep tabs on your main squeeze before I tap her

I'll mack her
Attack her with the smoothness
I do this
Even when my crew gets
Loot, props, respect and blunts to pass
Crews talk shit, but in my face they kiss my ass
They bite flows but we make up new ones
If you're really dope, why ain't ya signed yet?
But I get
My loot from Jive/Zomba
I'ma bomb ya
You will see
From now to infinity

Ah, this is how we chill from 93 'til
This is how we chill from 93 'til...

Hah-hah, coolin out, ya know what I'm sayin. But, but who's chillin
around the Land? You know? Yo, who's chillin? I think I know who's
chillin. Tell me who's chillin today.
Casual - you know he's chillin.
Yo Pep Love - he gotta be chillin.
Jay Biz - ya know he's chillin.
Ay yo, my man, my man Snupe is chillin, man.
Yo Mike G - you know he's here chillin.
Yeah, my man Mike P - he know he gotta chill.
Del the Funkyhomosapien is chillin.
Hey, my man Domino - yo he's chillin.


>>>Bolded words are in the lyrics of the video version of the song <<<

It's not where I'm at...but where I'm going to be!

Today I am taking an exam that will determine whether or not I get my own radio show next semester in the school's radio station. Wish me Luck!

--- Revision ---

So I went to take my exam and guess what? He couldn't test me because he had an E Board meeting he forgot about...ugh...lol. So he told me to stop by during his show next Tuesday night, but after I agreed...I remembered that Tuesday night is the night of the Blue and White Pageant. What am I going to do? I already bought my ticket...I'm just going to have to reschedule with him somehow.

...or I could just have my friends save me a seat at memorial auditorium so I can take my exam and come back to the auditorium when I'm done...idk...let's see how this goes...

"But there's always the first time...ya know?"

"One cannot both feast and become rich" - Ashanti Proverb

One simple quote. It's so amazing how this one simple quote summarizes my biggest mental scar. Mental scar? It's a piece of my mind that needs some heavy duty fixation. To me, this quote represents my obsession with wanting every aspect of my life to be perfect.

This serves to be a positive and negative characteristic of mine. It 's positive because it motivates me in my career journey. I am hungry! I want to be successful in the entertainment media field. I do not care if I have to start from the pits to the sky...I am not giving up on my all time goal =].

My obsession even reflects my ideas of being in a relationship. I have never been in a SERIOUS relationship before and honestly, do not plan on embarking on that anytime soon. I enjoy being single ya know?...but that does not mean that I will not involve myself in a relationship if a positive opportunity is granted. With that said, I am scared of lnot grasping to the perfect guy...my other half. I am too busy rejecting guys that I am scared that i won't see the right guy in front of me.

I have my picture of the perfect mate...externally and internally. I am extremely picky. I do not consider that a positive trait of mine...but it's reality. There is really no point in sugar coating who I am for the sake of who I appear to be. I am never satisfied. I always find a flaw and run with it. Never do I accept the flaw and embrace it...but how can I not embrace someone's flaws when I am not perfect? That question always bothers me.

I always try to place myself with high esteem and feel as though my mate should be just as high as me. I know that sounds a little arrogant, but I truly see it as the plain truth. Remember...no sugar coating.

With all of this said, the reason I am thinking about this is because I met a really good guy. Of course, I just met him so I don't know everything there is to know about him...but I can tell so far that he is a great guy. He texts me everyday to ask me how I'm doing and how I am feeling. Little gestures like those can make a huge difference. They are genuinely nice gestures which I appreciate...but then again...it's a little too nice. Don't get me wrong, I like nice guys, but I also like them rough around the edges. A little complicated...I know...but I know what I'm referring to lol. I know that it is too early to tell whether he is an overall nice guy or if he's a mixture of both nice and rough ... like I like them lmao.

He's always trying to meet up, but it's hard because our schedules coincide with each other. Like when I'm busy...he's not...and vice verse. He's really into basketball. He's in a Division I school...so you can just imagine how much time he specds with Ms. Spalding. I like that though. I love athletes. I have always said that I wanted to be an athlete's wife...I know...sounds a little gold digger-ish, but it's truly not meant in that way. I just always been attracted to athletes...and think that I will enjoy the lifestyle. Haha...he wants to pursue a career in the NBA...and if that doesn't work out...he wants to play overseas. Both ways...he'll still be making a name for himself playing basketball =]. So that part of his life is a plus on my book =]. His parents are both successful from what he tells me. From the outside looking in, it seems like he has a good family life which I respect.

So what is the problem? How come I can't connect to him? Like...I think he's a great person so far and I know I will enjoy his company...but I don't know...something in me just won't allow me to let go. Just breathe and let go. It's like there's a wall with no door blocking my entrance into a bond. I can't explain it. I want to give him a chance, but I know it's going to take a lot out of me. I really do not want a boyfriend...not now. I want to enjoy the single life a little longer, but I also do not want to lose out on something good for me. I guess what I mean with this quote is that I need to make sacrifices and not expect every aspect of life to be as perfect as I want it to be. I can not be in a relationship and expect it to be be successful if I can not accept its flaws.Who knows? I guess all I can do is leave it up to my Lord's hands.

---My Ideal Man---

Externally

• Soft Skin
• Nice Smile
• Soft Hands
• Clean fingernails
• Tall
• Athletic Built
• Nicely Shaped Eyes
• Dimples
• Attractive
• Can Dress * Unique Style is a plus
  
• CLEAN
• Smells Good
• Short Hair (Waves are nice...and a caesar is cool too
• Tattoos...not excessive and they have to have a meaning behind them
• Ears pierced...Tupac and Lenny Kravitz are the only people who can rock a nose ring and look HOT
  

Internally

• Intelligent *
• Can hold a conversation
• Active
• Athletic
• Poetic/ can rhyme lol
  
• Knowledgeable
• Successful
• Cool Swagger
• Into watching movies
  
• Enjoys reading
• Enjoys the simple pleasures of the world
• loves music and art *
• Creative
• Innovative
• Unique
  
• Thinks outside of the Crayola box
• Has his own money
• Has Goals and Aspirations *
• God fearing
• Can Dance
• Enjoys poetry and going to poetry clubs / coffee shops / broadway plays and musicals
• Respectful
• Nice but also a little rough
• Dominant Character...not a push over ya know?
• Spontaneous
• A little aggressive
  
• Can Drive and has his own car
• Not always on my jock...gives me space once in a while
• does not drink excessively and smoke

Liberation

"The picture wouldn't be the same if you weren't standing next to me" - Mya

I love this quote. It's simple but still beautiful. I haven't been in love so I can't really relate the line to a personal love experience, but this quote can be translated in numerous ways. It's all up to the person and the way they see it. I honestly, would relate this to love though. So when I find that special someone, I'll incorporate this quote into something special for them. hopefully he'll appreciate it too, because I want my perfect mate to appreciate the little things in life as I do. =]

So, I'm here in my room listening to the new Mya cd, Liberation. It's a pretty good album. Some of the lyrics are ear-catching, but some others are...okai...This is definately a girl's album. If I saw this album in a dude's album collection I would think either (1) He likes to listen to ALL music. (2) Open-minded (3) He must have a crush on Mya ...or... (4) He has to be gay. LOL...You can tell that Mya was going through a break up when this album was made. The album is all based on relationships, getting over them, moving on, and freedom. Hence the album title, Liberation.

Liberation:

to be freed (or change) from not having freedom to having freedom

Ya know...I like being a residing college student. I hate the workload of course, but I love the freedom I have. This week I have been in my room alone for like four straight afternoons doing my assignments. In a way, I hated it because of the schoolwork, but then again, I loved it because I was enjoying my own company. It was just me and my music...and oh yea...the schoolwork =S. At home, I could never get that alone time. One of my biggest fears in life is being alone, but sometimes...you need it. My house is too chaotic. There's no way you can enjoy solitude. Like...I'm alone right now. I'm so calm and peaceful in this element. Liberation, one word that describes my experience this school year...just thought I share that =].

My First Post

"Sometimes we find peace in beats and breaks." - Common

One of my favorite quotes by one of my favorite rappers, Common. I'm huge on quotes! I have some of my favorite quotes posted on my wall. I can't really explain my love for them profoundly. I just know that they complete me to a sense...it's hard to explain.

Common, I love him. I love his style and whole demeanor. His delivery is not wack...it's very unique. His words are written so beautifully; there is really no room for any imperfections in his lyrics.

I decided to make a blog so I can air out some of the thoughts in my mind. People have always told me that I think too much. Very true. I do think a whole lot. That is probably why i have kept a journal going almost all through out my life. Now in college, I do not have much time to sit down and actually write in a journal. Thus, this blog gives me the opportunity to do so since I have to use the computer almost every day for assignments....and facebook =].

I am an extremely private person. Like...people know me...but they don't really know me. I have a best friend, and she knows a lot about me, but even she doesn't know the root of me. I know it's not healthy to keep everything in, but I just rather not share my business with every person I know, ya dig? ---Hopefully this blog, will allow me the opportunity to learn how to let go...but I don't know...I NEVER know! lol