I'm so Embarassed!

I feel awful.

Last night was such an embarrassing night for me. I really hope everyone who was around me last night forgets the night. Thanx.

Rundown

So I've been like 4 days strong with my OVER IT situation (LOL).

My eyes are really close to being back to normal again...thank you for the blessing lord!

Today is my friend La'Shae's birthday...and Sunday is Taylor's birthday! =] (Party tonight!)

My favorite song in "Late Registration" is "We Major" now...my favorite song on that album changes every week! So...that's what it is (currently). lol

Still didn't buy the Kanye tickets...I'm so scared they're going to sell out =/

I saw a video of Rihanna or Rhianna (forgot how to spell it) from high school snging "Hero" by Mariah Carey...at first I was, "It doesn't sound bad...sounds just like her now!"...but then once she got towards the end of the song, "Oh no!!!" It was >> =/ << .



PS - I get really bored at times...and I love taking pictures so....

My several emotions (I guess) ... I'm mostly smiling so this must really reflect how I am all the time! lol

So Over 2.0

"Come join our circus where we all wear masks
Lie to our fans & expect it to last
Could it be that the trick is on us
Masqueradin' like we are the ones
Can you blame us? It started as fun
Didn't know that the game must be won...Sooory

How can I shake this circus clown?
What does the ringmaster need from his crowd?
Should I dive through the circle of fire?
Noooo. I'm just gonna be me"

---"Circus" Kelis---

So Over.

I'm so over it. Over with it all.

Over with the games. Over with playing myself out. Over with trying to be seen by you. Over with trying, in general. Over with the hopes. Over with even caring.

Over with not putting myself first. Over with doubts. Over with insecurities. Over with OVER-thinking. Over with the addiction. Over with confinement.

Over with not prioritizing the important things in life. Over with the stress. Over with not placing myself first. Over with hiding my true feelings behind smiles. Over with not trying for myself. I'm SO OVR WEARING THIS MASK!

I'm so over it. Over with it all.

(Everything that is bad is supposed to make you feel good...clearly not the case here)

I NEED MONEY!

Kanye West tickets: $300-$400
Poconos Vacation $150
Paul Robeson tickets: $15
Paul Robeson dress: $180
Hair, Nails, Make up: $100 (roughly)

$745 >> some I need sooner than the others...all in all...lots of money that I DO NOT want to ask my father for.

Kanye West tickets...I'm so ugh...that I didn't find out that the NY tickets went on sale this past weekend...now I have to spend more just to find a decent seat...hopefully find a seat at all bc they're selling out!

P.S. - I'll keep you all posted on my whole current *crush situation...hint: I'm kind of feeling "over it all."

Ill b back!

$$$

Sometimes I wish money grew on trees...

Maxwell

I hope you are all as excited as I am to know Maxwell is returning with new material this year entitled, "BLACK Summers' Night." I can truly say that I'm anxious for the album(s). His song, "Pretty Wings," is a beautiful song...classic Maxwell. He alway comes out with something refreshing, but still represents Maxwell, which I really like. I love the short hair also...very sexy. What I REALLY like about Maxwell is how humble he appears though. Of course...I don't know him personally, but from reading his blogs and interviews...I think it's safe to say that is what he truly is; humble. He's different...not a stereotype of a community. Something I consider myself not to be as well.(and he loves The Wire...like me!)

Well, I can honestly speak on Maxwell for an eternity! Maxwell is definitely one of my favorite artists.

P.S. His MTV Unplugged album is GOLD! He is enormously talented! (What ever happened to that MTV Show...I loved it!)

I really need to get better...

I'm soooo bored! I'm home (STILL)! My friends have been having so much fun without me +(. It's all right though...I'll be back in no time! =].

I have been at a hospital everyday since this past Wednesday!!! It gets aggravating bc I just want to be fine already! This has definitely NOT been a good month for me.

I also did some snooping ( I know I shouldn't have...but I couldn't help!)...and I found some unwanted news regarding my "crush." He claims he is single, but something in me just doesn't believe that. Soooo....long story short...I found out that his "ex" still calls him her "man." She was also talking about what she got him for XMas and what he got her...etc. They are together! Maybe he's lying...maybe they're together but not really...who knows? I'm just a little "ugh" with what I found.

I really shouldn't worry myself on the situation though. I know that I am strong, beautiful, confident, smart, and have a promising future...I really shouldn't dedicate all of my time into perusing something that just isn't going to bring me assurance. The Lord knows what there is to come...I just have to patiently wait for the verdict =].

With that said... Glow in the Dark tour May 13... NYC Madison Square...CAN'T WAIT!!!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day to all! I love this holiday...it's so beautiful! =]

Unfortunately for me...I have to spend this holiday at home. =(. Originally, my girlfriends and I were going to spend the night together (they do not like this holiday)...but since I've been in and out of the hospital since yesterday, I can't...and it dissappoints me. I guess it's all right though...my health is more important than a holiday = (.

Anywho, enjoy the holiday! Not only with your companion...but with your family and friends. =)

Curly Hair Don't Care )How Cliche lol)

So today...I decided to wear my hair out semi-curly. My hair is naturally really curly (I hardly wear it anoy other way but straight) but yes...today I HAD to wash it...so the curly 'do had to do! lol...

Anywho...Man...I hate converting songs into AAC form for ITunes...like when you upload songs from your personal cd...it takes too long. That's what I'm doing now btw.

Nothing exciting today...except me playing "stalker" lol...just kidding! =P

P.S. I'm a camera fanatic! =P Just thought I share that...lol



I'm not a big fan of my glasses...but I seem to get lots of comments on them...so I guess they're all right lol

Now....

LOL...when I first saw this picture (from far away)...my first reaction (of course) was "Now...who is this lady with MY man, Andre?" Then I saw that it was Rhianna...so it was okai (close one there). Everyone thinks I'm crazy and blind for finding Andre sexy and wonderful, in general, ... but I say... maybe they're the blind and crazy ones. I Love this guy! He is such a great artist (and dresser).

2008 Grammys

Everyone must know that i LOVE Nas...and this picture just says it all.

The Grammys this year was....interesting I guess. A lot more African American performers and award winners....very nice. I LOVED Kanye's performance. In one of my Broadcasting classes today some of the students were talking about it...and they hated it. They especially hated the fact that the music was turned off during Kanye's acceptance speech. I love how cocky Kanye is personally. He was thanking his mother...it's rude to have the music playing...I'm happy he said something...but let's not get into that.



Me and Chris Brown are going to "officially" go out one day...I feel it in my soul...it's going to happen! lol...But MAN...Chris REALLY needs to hire a new stylist because his outfit during the Grammys was ... horrendous! Here, at the Clive Davis' Pre Grammy party...he looks fine...but at the Grammys...oh NO!! He's still going to be my boyfriend though ;). (JUST KIDDING...or am I?) lol



Whitney is doing it!!! Go ahead now! I will ALWAYS love Whitney! No matter what anyone says. I remember putting her first album on and singing my heart out while no one was home...ahh....miss those days.

I WANT THEM!!!

AhhhhhhHHhhHhhh!!!!! I've been wanting a pair for so long...and when I go to his concert...I'm going to feel like a LOSER without them! Who wants to buy me a pair, ey?

CRUSH??? Shhh....

I'm bamboozled! LOL


"I get the best feeling in the world when you say hi to me, or even smile, because I know even if just for a second, I crossed your mind."

So here's the thing...I've been "crushing" on someone for a while now, but I'm not sure if I can call it that. I mean, I'm in college now. A crush? Sounds pretty middle school-ish. I can't help it though because I can't really say that I LIKE him. I know him...but not well enough to say that I LIKE him. To me...liking someone means now only in the exterior but interior as well. I've only known him for half a year...that's enought time to have a conception, but we don't really talk or see each other everyday...so I just don't know.

From what I do know, he's pretty cocky. He places his self quote high on a pedestal...but then again...why shouldn't he? That just means he is confident. Then again, it can always be a front. Who knows? He plays basketball...and he plays very well...he's extremely cocky about that as well. From what I see and hear, he has a decent amount of girls under his sleeve. I don't blame the girls though...he's a pretty catch. I don't want to be another girl in a list though.

He jokes around and says things like, "Hi Girlfriend" and he kisses my hand when he sees me at times, but that's just him being a flirt. It doesn't really mean anything. Does it?...

"The worst way to miss someone is when they are right beside you and yet you know you can never have them."

I've mentioned this before on my blog, but I'm extremely anti-commitment...at least for now. I don't want to be in a relationship with him. I just want to know if he feels the same way I do. That really bothers me. I feel as though he won't pay me any mind if there's another girl around. I don't know if that's me being insecure or just overbearing.

It's weird because when he tried to catch my attention during the Summer...I paid him no mind. He was obviously feeling me more than I was feeling him. Kind of ironic how this situation goes, right?

Part of the main reason I didn't care was because it seemed as though him and this other girl were getting close. I'm not a home wrecker...she had her eye set on him...and I allowed her. I just didn't care, really.

It's so weird. I really won't know what to do. Part of me wants him to know so I can know how he feels, but part of me doesn't. The part that doesn't is definitely stronger though (lol). I feel as though, if he knows, he will treat me differently. He will probably just add me to the list of girls who like him...and like I said before...I DON'T want to be part of that list. So what do I do?


Summary:

"Look...Don't feel no pity for me...cause I'm going through a couple things...Life means Change...That's the way it goes..." ---Jill Scott

VOTE!

I VOTED.

It is the first time I have ever voted. Words can not possibly describe the way I felt pushing that button and the way I feel right now. I can't believe people do not take VOTING seriously. I say, if you're colored...VOTE! Yes I know...sometimes it feels like our vote really does not count, but you have the RIGHT to vote....so DO IT!!! Many before us fought for the opportunity to do so...why not take advantage of our right? Some people are just lazy. If all of the Civil Rights activists' were lazy ... we would NOT be where we are as a community...we would NOT have the rights we have today!

It's crazy because I asked around at school today if anyone was voting...hardly no one said "yes." The only reason you should not vote is if you really can not ... i.e.: permanent resident, not a U.S. citizen. I shake my head at those who did not even TRY to vote today! Today is a monumental day! The first woman democratic candidate, the first black democratic candidate...how great is that?

To conclude...VOTE! Even if you're not into politics....VOTE! Because YOU CAN! Use your RIGHT to vote! GET UP AND VOTE!

::Cough::

I'm sick =[...I have the flu. Man oh man, I hate being sick. Everyone is Super Bowl crazy, and I'm here Flu crazy lol. It's okai though...listening to Jill Scott's entire collection soothes me. That's my girl! =]...I guess I'll be the only one watching the Super Bowl alone (how depressing)... since I'm contagious lol.
r
LMAO...funny experience at the hospital as well. They had me in there as though I was going to die! lol They took my temperature (like usual) and I had a 102 fever! I was shocked bc when my temperature was taken the day before, it was 98.9. So...they took me in very quick bc that's not a temperature to play with. And uhh...they stuck this thick needle in my left arm so they could take blood from me. If there's anything people know I hate....it's needles!!! This needle experience had to be the most PAINFUL experience ever!!! And yes...I did cry...and like always...my father laughed at me =[. lol...They took X-Rays of my chest also. I had to remove my bra...which was extremely hard since I had that huge needle still in my left arm.

The funny part though was...they gave me a pregnancy test! With my father being in the room...I kept telling them, "I'M NOT PREGNANT!" lol...but they insisted. I seriously thought they were crazy! When I researched the medicine they gave me for the flu (yes...I do research the medicine...I want to know the side effects, etc!) I read that the medication can not be used by pregnant women. So, now looking back...it makes sense. They HAD to make sure I was not pregnant.

Anywho, GIANTS won (shocker!) ... I've always been a Patriots fan since I was tee high, but I'm from Jersey...so I guess I'm still satisfied with the win =]. (Let's just hope they don't move the Giants to NY bc everyone really knows that the Giants is a Jersey team lol).

Be There Or Be ^2 (Squared)

All i can say is: It's About time!!! I've been anticipating a tour like this for the longest! Kanye...N.E.R.D. AND Lupe Fiasco >>> (you already know how I feel about Lupe!) YES!!! Rhianna? Uhmmm...yea...I kind of would've preferred someone like Kelis...but whatever...Rhianna is still doing big things so I can't hate on her!

This tour is going to be amazing! I'm really STOKED to see what the set will look like! Kanye, Pharrell (my husband), and Lupe Fiasco (my other husband) NEVER seem to disappoint. Ooh!!! Lupe might bring Nikki Jean too! Yay! I <3 Her!