Rejection.

"All great innovations are built on rejection."

Today I received a letter from Batanga Productions stating that I was not chosen to intern for them during this summer and be a part of their editorial team. I can not lie...it hurt me. I was very confident that I would be chosen (my first response to the letter was "they're making a mistake in not choosing me,") but I guess this is a wake up call for me telling me that I need to get going. I guess my confidence in a way placed me in a state of comfort...when you're working towards a major goal...you should never feel comfortable until you reach the goal. I really need to brush up my skills and continue in my pursuit in fulfilling all of my goals. That is all for now. I hope you're all ready for the summer...I know I am! =]

Post-script: It seems as though this entire year has been full of rejections for me...I REALLY need to wake up!

Fake-ness.

Sometimes I like to sit back and evaluate my surroundings. Surroundings? Not so much the physical state I am currently in...but the people and events that surround me day to day. Re-evaluating my surroundings today have made me realize that I am absorbed in a world of fake-ness...and it saddens me because my whole life is going to be part of 'that world. Sometimes I feel as though I'm the only 'real' one, but even that can not be true. Day by day I put a smile on my face as though I have no turmoils, when in reality...I do. So many, you could not even imagine! Every time someone asks me 'what's wrong?' I dodge the question and exude a sense of 'jaded-ness.' So am I being fake for not expressing my true thoughts? Or am I just not telling the whole truth? I guess in my situation, there is an excuse because I'm not completely changing who I am because that is part of who I am.

It's all very confusing. All in all, I feel as though I am living in a world filled with fake people. I love everyone who is close to me, but still, I still have questions. People love to say one thing and then run and do another...conforming, I guess we can say. Friendships are put on pause one second and then next thing you know, the flame rekindles. No wounds are healed in the relationship, though. So there goes the fake-ness I'm talking about.

When a person is caught in the middle of two friendships, is it right to say one thing to one set of friends...and another to the other set...just to please both parties? What if you say one thing to one set of friends and then go and not participate in the discussion of the other party? Or how about not even discussing anything that involves anyone in the situation? Which do you find yourself doing?

Also, you know someone's spirit is not in the right place, do you still remain close to that person...even though he/she bashed you in the past? I'm a strong believer in change, but when someone's heart is tarred and disrespects me...yes I do keep them close...but we are not close anymore. Do you understand what I mean? I don't go out of my way to be their best friend, but I still keep the relationship at a positive end because I am not like them...I don't believe in having enemies.

Last thing, some people crack jokes before knowing a person. Is that wrong? I mean, you don't know them...so it's not really personal, right? But what if that same person ends up becoming your friend...and a close one at that. Now, that person's 'flaws' no longer exist...and your complimenting them on the same attributes you made fun of prior to the friendship. Now, is that wrong?

As an Italian proverb says, "To him that watches, everything is revealed." Thus, I will continue to sit back and continue to watch and evaluate my surroundings as the truth continues to unfold. I don't need for it all to be a big deal though. I know what goes on around me, but I don't need to publicize it to the world. That's just not me.

=D.

Are you as excited for this show, as I am?

MovingMountains.

Usher just released the new video for "Moving Mountains." And since I spoke of the song in my last entry, i thought it would be appropriate to post the video for everyone's viewing. =]

I really really love Usher's performance in this video. He really conveys the emotion(s) of the song and depicts it through the video. Usher allows the viewer to really feel what he is going through (the pain, anticipation, relentlessness, etc). I hope you enjoy watching the video, as I did. ---And boy! does he look sexy in this video or what?! lol. (I had to add it)



Post-script: Usher will be at 106 and Park next week. Check your local listings for day and time. He will also have a BET special for his upcoming album release (I can't wait! He's so "mmm mm good!" lol). Airing next Wednesday at 7:30 or 8:00 PM I believe Eastern time.

HereIStand.

Hey! I have had the opportunity to listen to Usher's new release, "Here I Stand," before it hits the stores. I know everyone is going to most likely review the album, if not already done so, I thought I beat some people out to the punch.

Usher "Here I Stand"
R&B
Guests include: Young Jeezy, Jay-Z, Lil' Wayne, Beyonce', Usher Raymond V


The album begins with such an appropriate intro; it definitely lets the listener know what to expect from the rest of the album. It's a sultry track with a lead piano as the foundation of the piece. Then the mood escalates with his hit, "Love in this Club," as a follow up. A predictable move for Usher since his previous album, Confessions' intro was followed with his first single from that album, "Yeah!." But let's not really compare this album to "Confessions" since that is what everyone is going to most likely do. I will say this though...this is definitely NOT "Confessions" and I don't think Usher even tried to make a similar album. "Confessions" is such a classic album and really represents where Usher was at that point of his life. He has grown more with "Here I Stand" and you can really recognize that by listening to the album.

Now, back to the album. "Here I Stand" is NOT a party album in my opinion. Many of the tracks give out a laid back vibe...which works. "Trading Places" is a stand out track in the album. The song gives the woman an opportunity to "where the pants" in the relationship. "Skip dinner and we gon' rent a movie, You order Chinese food right before u do me, You coming on strong baby let me wash me hands, she said hurry up then get your ass to bed, You get on top tonight I'm on the bottom, cause we trading places." The song, "Moving Mountains," the second single from the album I believe. This is not a surprise, it's the only other song I can really see being a video, next to "Love in this Club." "Moving Mountains" is about a relationship shifting apart; as much as you try to get it back to where it was...it's just never going to be the same. How many of us have been in a situation like this? "Prayer for You (Interlude)" is a beautiful track set up as a lullaby sung to Usher's son, Usher Raymond V. Honestly, when listening to the track, I pretended he was singing to me =D. This is one of my favorite songs on the album (even if it's an interlude and it's about his son lol). In the song, Usher prays that he raises his son to be the best man he could be. He also refers back to how his father was not a part of his life and he does not want to repeat that in his son's life. "Love You Gently" is ALL about pleasing a woman and loving her gently. Ohh wee! Now you know this song is for me! (lol) "See I know just when to finish and I know just when to start, and I be loving your reaction every time I hit that spot." This is a sexy track, great to get the mood started for all you lovers worldwide. The album rounds out with the album's title track, "Here I Stand." Here Usher commends the woman in his life (::cough:: me ::cough::) and assures her that he will always be there no matter where he is physically. Also...don't stop playing the cd after this song is done because there is a hidden track following the song. ;)

Overall, the album is what I call a "grown folk" album. Not literally for grown ups to listen, but you do have to appreciate the music with a grown ear. "Here I Stand" is NOT "Confessions" or anything close to it. It's not even that much of a commercial album either. I'm not sure, but I don't think Jermaine Dupri even produced most of his tracks like in his previous albums which can explain why it's not so commercial. I like the album though. I recommend the album, especially when you feel like relaxing and listening to music that exudes good vibes.


---My favorite tracks---

-Love in this Club (Part 1 and 2)
-Trading Places
-Moving Mountains
-Prayer for You (Interlude)
-Love you Gently
-Best Thing (Come on...Jay-Z is in it lol)
-His Mistakes
-Appetite
-Here I Stand



Post-script: You know what I also realized? you can also tell that the production was made by similar producers because the tracks have a similar synthesized sound in collaboration with a piano.

Rewind.

I was looking back at my previous posts today from last year to see where I was in my life back then. Many of the people who read my blog viewed the site a while after I started writing on this blog. So, I thought I RE-post one of my first entries. Enjoy. =]

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"One cannot both feast and become rich" - Ashanti Proverb

One simple quote. It's so amazing how this one simple quote summarizes my biggest mental scar. Mental scar? It's a piece of my mind that needs some heavy duty fixation. To me, this quote represents my obsession with wanting every aspect of my life to be perfect.

This serves to be a positive and negative characteristic of mine. It 's positive because it motivates me in my career journey. I am hungry! I want to be successful in the entertainment media field. I do not care if I have to start from the pits to the sky...I am not giving up on my all time goal =].

My obsession even reflects my ideas of being in a relationship. I have never been in a SERIOUS relationship before and honestly, do not plan on embarking on that anytime soon. I enjoy being single ya know?...but that does not mean that I will not involve myself in a relationship if a positive opportunity is granted. With that said, I am scared of not grasping to the perfect guy...my other half. I am too busy rejecting guys that I am scared that i won't see the right guy in front of me.

I have my picture of the perfect mate...externally and internally. I am extremely picky. I do not consider that a positive trait of mine...but it's reality. There is really no point in sugar coating who I am for the sake of who I appear to be. I am never satisfied. I always find a flaw and run with it. Never do I accept the flaw and embrace it...but how can I not embrace someone's flaws when I am not perfect? That question always bothers me.

I always try to place myself with high esteem and feel as though my mate should be just as high as me. I know that sounds a little arrogant, but I truly see it as the plain truth. Remember...no sugar coating.

With all of this said, the reason I am thinking about this is because I met a really good guy. Of course, I just met him so I don't know everything there is to know about him...but I can tell so far that he is a great guy. He texts me everyday to ask me how I'm doing and how I am feeling. Little gestures like those can make a huge difference. They are genuinely nice gestures which I appreciate...but then again...it's a little too nice. Don't get me wrong, I like nice guys, but I also like them rough around the edges. A little complicated...I know...but I know what I'm referring to lol. I know that it is too early to tell whether he is an overall nice guy or if he's a mixture of both nice and rough ... like I like them lmao.

He's always trying to meet up, but it's hard because our schedules coincide with each other. Like when I'm busy...he's not...and vice verse. He's really into basketball. He's in a Division I school...so you can just imagine how much time he spends with Ms. Spalding. I like that though. I love athletes. I have always said that I wanted to be an athlete's wife...I know...sounds a little gold digger-ish, but it's truly not meant in that way. I just always been attracted to athletes...and think that I will enjoy the lifestyle. Haha...he wants to pursue a career in the NBA...and if that doesn't work out...he wants to play overseas. Both ways...he'll still be making a name for himself playing basketball =]. So that part of his life is a plus on my book =]. His parents are both successful from what he tells me. From the outside looking in, it seems like he has a good family life which I respect.

So what is the problem? How come I can't connect to him? Like...I think he's a great person so far and I know I will enjoy his company...but I don't know...something in me just won't allow me to let go. Just breathe and let go. It's like there's a wall with no door blocking my entrance into a bond. I can't explain it. I want to give him a chance, but I know it's going to take a lot out of me. I really do not want a boyfriend...not now. I want to enjoy the single life a little longer, but I also do not want to lose out on something good for me. I guess what I mean with this quote is that I need to make sacrifices and not expect every aspect of life to be as perfect as I want it to be. I can not be in a relationship and expect it to be be successful if I can not accept its flaws.Who knows? I guess all I can do is leave it up to my Lord's hands.


---My Ideal Man---

Externally

* Soft Skin
* Nice Smile
* Soft Hands
* Clean fingernails
* Tall
* Athletic Built
* Nicely Shaped Eyes
* Dimples
* Attractive
* Can Dress * Unique Style is a plus
* CLEAN
* Smells Good
* Short Hair (Waves are nice...and a caesar is cool too
* Tattoos...not excessive and they have to have a meaning behind them
* Ears pierced...Tupac and Lenny Kravitz are the only people who can rock a nose ring and look HOT


Internally

* Intelligent *
* Can hold a conversation
* Active
* Athletic
* Poetic/ can rhyme lol
* Knowledgeable
* Successful
* Cool Swagger
* Into watching movies
* Enjoys reading
* Enjoys the simple pleasures of the world
* loves music and art *
* Creative
* Innovative
* Unique
* Thinks outside of the Crayola box
* Has his own money
* Has Goals and Aspirations *
* God fearing
* Can Dance
* Enjoys poetry and going to poetry clubs / coffee shops / broadway plays and musicals
* Respectful
* Nice but also a little rough
* Dominant Character...not a push over ya know?
* Spontaneous
* A little aggressive
* Can Drive and has his own car
* Not always on my jock...gives me space once in a while
* does not drink excessively and smoke

MeetKarina.

There's a new singer making her way into the scene and she goes by the name of Karina! She is phenomenally multi-talented. She plays the piano and sings. I know, I know, another Alicia Keys? No. She has a sound of her own. So please check her out at meetkarina.net.



Post-script: She's dominican...so you already know! =] ... or... "Ya tu Sabe!" for all the Latinos out there! hehe

Post-Post script: Seeing her videos also remind me of where I was at at her age. I miss performing. =(

Juice.

I love JUICE!!!

-Pink Lemonade
-Apple Juice
-Iced Tea

my three favorite! Just thought I informed you all on that. hehe

KEILA.

This is an acronym I've made about myself a while back. Just thought I share it with everyone. =]

K - Kool, Kalm, & Kollected

I'm a very easy going person. I go with the flow..don't really focus on the mayhem around me...I leave it all in God's hands.

E - Eclectic

My personality consists of many elements. I can't really be put into a box. I have an eccentric way of looking at the world.

I - Intellectual

I take pride in being smart. I never tried to be less than I am (my father wouldn't have it any other way lol). That is why i take my studies seriously, but I also know how to kick back and have fun!

L - Lovable

I truly wear my heart on my sleeve...and a HUGE heart at that. I love giving love and I love receiving love in return. I take on tasks that require my empathy such as community service and helping those around me with their problems. That is why besides wanting to be a talk show host and overall TV/Radio personality, I want to get involved in peace corps and hopefully become a U.N. Ambassador.

A - Artistic

I've been involved and trained in the arts for as long as I can remember. I enjoy singing, dancing, writing poetry and music, drawing, and performing.

=(.

I wish I was going =(

Sunshine.

"What do you give a man who has everything?

I'll write him love songs every Spring.

...dedicate every song I ever sing."

-Nikki Jean

LoveHim.

God! he makes me SO HAPPY!

Ryan Leslie.

Me: You my have heard of him? Ryan Leslie?
..: Who?
Me: You know, Ryan Leslie?
..: Who is that?
Me: You know, Cassie's main producer?
..: No?
Me: ....
..: ....I haven't heard of him!
Me: He sings that 'Diamond Girl' song...
..: Oh!!! That's my song!
Me: ... Yea...I figured...you still don't know who that is...::shaking my head::

LMAO!

This is a video of the making of Ryan Leslie's song, Addiction. He is TOO funny!!! Especially when he REALLY starts getting into it lol. But all jokes aside, he is really talented as a producer. Of course a lot of his songs have that same sound, but hey...that's what sells for him ... so why not, right? Even though...I like to hear music that ever-growing, refreshing...but at the end of the day...these producers habe to eat.



Man...all you need is a good ear...and know how to play the piano lol.

Conflict of Interest.

Do you ever feel like the people around you hang around with you due to habit?

What I mean is...do you feel like one of the people in your circle doesn't feel as strong about your friendship as you do? But they hang with you just because their friends with everyone else in your circle..so not hanging with you wouldn't make any sense.

I know, it's a little confusing, I guess I only know what I'm referring to.

Swimsuits.

Summer is right around the corner! I need a new swim suit. I like to always get one swimsuit...and like maybe two bikinis every year. But these are the bathing suits I like.

This color looks great on my skin when its tan!



AND



Which one do you prefer for me?

Chili.

I have ALWAYS loved Chili from TLC. Her spirit is just so cool. I admit...I have forgotten about Chili...just bc she hasn't been out lately...and watching this video made me think about how 'cool' she is. I love her!



AND...check out her new single titles, "Dum Dum Dum," Truthfully, at first I didn't like it...but it really grew on me. And her album may be entitled, "Bipolar," Hahaha...I like it.


Post-script: Omg...I remember when my cousins and I used to make pretend we were TLC ... BACKKKKK in the day (lol). Of course...you KNOW I had to be Chili =]. Fun times.

RutgersFest.

Yesterday me and my girls went to RutgersFest. Honestly, it wasn't really stoked for the show as much as the after party (I know...horrible lol). Hey...what can I say? I Love to dance and I love dancing with my girls <3.

Well, the fest was "okai"...I actually had a better time at MontclairFest, here at my school, but that's a whole different story.

The after party...reached its capacity...I think it was about 1,000...and right after that...someone who couldn't get in pulled the fire alarm! So yea...the party had to be ended like 3 hours earlier. Some people only got to party for 5 minutes...no lie. I felt bad for the guys who had to pay $20 dollars. Really sucks. PLUS...I saw this guy that I think is cute ovr there and I didn't get to dance to him...not even say 'hi.' But hey! That's life...can't really stress over that. + My hair looked horrible...I kind of glad he didn't see me (lol).

We eventually found like 3 after-after parties also. So I still got to dance for a quick minute. I was really sleepy...so after all of that...I didn't really feel like dancing.

Post-script: Some girls really have NO self control.

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Today I also saw the movie, "Horton Hears Who?," (I think that's what it's called)...I know I'm late...but I feel like I live under a rock in college...so to me...it's new lol. Overall, the movie was realllyyyy good. I cried at one point...well not all out crying...but there were tears. it's funny bc the movie is not even a tear-jerker...it's just me. I don't really want to go too much in detail about the movie...just know that it was really nice and you should go watch it if you haven't already. =]

Hair.

Hey! ---I'm so stressed! So much to do in such little time (school wise).

In other news, I got a haircut a few days ago. Every time I go to get a haircut...I always tell my hairdresser to cut it short, but she's always cuts it longer than what I want. Well...NOT THIS TIME! Man! My hair is shorter than usual. I'm really going to have to get used to it bc right now...I'm not really a big fan of it. Well actually, I like my hair cut...just not my bangs...they're too short =[. I like long hair with short bangs and short hair with long bangs...not both! lol. But oh well...that's life. I can't do anything about it now.

That's all folks! Nothing much has been going on since the last time I posted. WAIT! Random>>>I'm seeing Nelly's new video with Fergie and OOHHH WEEEE!!! Man he is TOO fine! I ALWAYS had a crush on Nelly, but man...ever since he bulked up!!! OHHH MANNNN!!!! Ashanti is one lucky gal ;). And oh yea...Alicia Keys looks SOOOO pretty in her new video for "Teenage Love Affair." I <3 Her!

Coming Up: Rutgers Fest tomorrow! Third Eye Blind is going to be there!!! and...Fabolous...OneRepublic...those are the only artists I know as of now. I'll keep you all posted.

and OH YEA! My blog is going to be referred to in an upcoming issue of my school's newspaper. GOOD STUFF! =]

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This is my hair before my latest haircut.



And this is it now.



What do you all think? Long or Short? =]

Toodles!