Fake-ness.

Sometimes I like to sit back and evaluate my surroundings. Surroundings? Not so much the physical state I am currently in...but the people and events that surround me day to day. Re-evaluating my surroundings today have made me realize that I am absorbed in a world of fake-ness...and it saddens me because my whole life is going to be part of 'that world. Sometimes I feel as though I'm the only 'real' one, but even that can not be true. Day by day I put a smile on my face as though I have no turmoils, when in reality...I do. So many, you could not even imagine! Every time someone asks me 'what's wrong?' I dodge the question and exude a sense of 'jaded-ness.' So am I being fake for not expressing my true thoughts? Or am I just not telling the whole truth? I guess in my situation, there is an excuse because I'm not completely changing who I am because that is part of who I am.

It's all very confusing. All in all, I feel as though I am living in a world filled with fake people. I love everyone who is close to me, but still, I still have questions. People love to say one thing and then run and do another...conforming, I guess we can say. Friendships are put on pause one second and then next thing you know, the flame rekindles. No wounds are healed in the relationship, though. So there goes the fake-ness I'm talking about.

When a person is caught in the middle of two friendships, is it right to say one thing to one set of friends...and another to the other set...just to please both parties? What if you say one thing to one set of friends and then go and not participate in the discussion of the other party? Or how about not even discussing anything that involves anyone in the situation? Which do you find yourself doing?

Also, you know someone's spirit is not in the right place, do you still remain close to that person...even though he/she bashed you in the past? I'm a strong believer in change, but when someone's heart is tarred and disrespects me...yes I do keep them close...but we are not close anymore. Do you understand what I mean? I don't go out of my way to be their best friend, but I still keep the relationship at a positive end because I am not like them...I don't believe in having enemies.

Last thing, some people crack jokes before knowing a person. Is that wrong? I mean, you don't know them...so it's not really personal, right? But what if that same person ends up becoming your friend...and a close one at that. Now, that person's 'flaws' no longer exist...and your complimenting them on the same attributes you made fun of prior to the friendship. Now, is that wrong?

As an Italian proverb says, "To him that watches, everything is revealed." Thus, I will continue to sit back and continue to watch and evaluate my surroundings as the truth continues to unfold. I don't need for it all to be a big deal though. I know what goes on around me, but I don't need to publicize it to the world. That's just not me.