IWantYou.

Forgive me, I'm in a Marvin mood (as always).

Rolling Stone's dubbed Marvin Gaye #6 on their list of "The Greatest Singers of All Time" and #18 (I think) for their list of "The Greatest Artists of All Time."

Marvin Gaye was an astounding ARTIST, not only singer, but overall ARTIST. He played several instruments, wrote his music as well as music for other artists, produced, and the voice of course, you can't forget the voice (3-octave range, incredible for a male singer).

"I Want You" seems to be a favorite, and here's a video of one of Marvin's jam sessions with the band:



I wish I was alive to see him live, quite a character.



And one more for fun ;)

Insomnia,

I have been experiencing the most inspirational moments in my life worth some penmanship, but sadly, my pen is still in need of ink. SOMETHING is stopping me from writing, I just don't know what it is yet, but I have so much literature in my head urging to be written. For now, here are some songs that represent the way I am feeling at this moment.

"Insomnia" --Jill Scott

(How could a song be so perfect in describing the state that I am in, right this second?)

It is 4 a.m.
And I'm waiting in our (my) bed alone,
Dreaming of your embrace
(Why hasn't he called me? I don't understand it)
Wishing you would come back home

But you don't call,
And you don't come,
And you don't say,
That you miss me
And you don't stop
To say hi
On your way by
I'm feeling crazy

It is 5 a.m.
And I'm waiting by the phone again
This is not how it's 'sposed to be
You're 'sposed to be here with me

But you're gone now
You're just gone now
You don't even think about the way I feel
You're just gone now
You're just gone now
When I know you should be right here

It's 6 o'clock in the morning
And I'm so tired of yawning
I am miserable and feeling blue
Cause all I really want is you

But you don't call,
And you don't come,
And you don't say,
That you miss me

And you don't stop
To say hi
On your way by
I'm feeling crazy

It's 7 o'clock in the a.m.
In 15 minutes this alarm will be ringing
At work,no one will feel my pain
It's a shame the way this whole thing changed

But you're go'n now
You're just go'n now
You don't think about the way I feel
You're just go'n now
You're just go'n now
When you know that you should be right here

But you don't call,
And you don't come,
And you don't say,
That you miss me
No,no,no,no
And you don't stop
To say hi
On your way by
This is crazy

Brrring...
Time to wake up,
And put on my strong face
And hope that no one will know


-----This part right here, is EXACTLY the way I feel-----

(Jill Speaking:)

You have managed to turn me
from a woman of substance into a
brick flying, calling too damn much
crying and crying
spying way down down low,
with flats on

From the opposite side of the bar
easy off, loaded on top of your car chick
I never intended to be this chick

Groping on smoke for her mind
or the readily dissolved remedy of it

After being chased
I've been dismissed
as just an object
Something to play with

You have managed to turn me
from a woman of substance
to this

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't know how a man can turn you into everything you preached against? I finally let my guard down a bit, and here I am, singing my heart out to "Insomnia." I can't even listen to love songs anymore...

"You have turned me from a woman of substance, into this..."

How true.

Flinch.

Today, I feel a mess.

How does someone have the ability to make someone feel incompetent; unable to control THEIR OWN feelings?

All of my beliefs in the subject, all thrown out the window. Oh, how I wish I could rewind time in times like this.

But God, does make us go through these situations so we can learn and grow from them.

So, tomorrow, I will try not to think about it, and put less effort because that's the opposite of today's actions. Plus, I'm probably blowing this out of the water.

These next two weeks WILL be a blast for me. So who has plans? Let me know. =]

PS- Oh yes, forgot about New Years, that's always fun! =] Hopefully me and my girls find something to do, and my dad doesn't act like an a-hole about it.

So, I hope everyone had a very merry CHRISTmas! =] May God bless you and your family, as well as mine.

'Til next time...

ForLoversOnly.

Dear God,

For Christmas, aside from blessing me with a health and love for me and my family, please bless me with great success in the year 2009. I have so many dreams and aspirations I strive to come true, but please, let 2009 be that year for me. You have blessed me to be ambitious, generous, collaborative, artistic, and an overall warm-hearted person. Thus, I ask, please let 2009, be my year! I have never believed in Santa, but I have always believed in your power Lord.

PS- Can you fill my stockings with tickets to see Maxwell live? They will be greatly appreciated.

WIth love and respect,
Keila (accent on top of the e) F. =]

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You have to admit, he's pretty amazing.

Lovers Only (my favorite :))



Simply Beautiful Cover (Phenomenal)



'Til the Cops come Knockin' (haha love him)



AND THIS IS WHY I LOVE HIM! lol

NowYouSeeMe,AndNowYouDon't!

The petty things in life.

I decided that, I need to disappear for a while when I get back to school, that means--no hang outs in friends' apartments, no pictures, no contact unless you're family or very close to me. It's just going to be me, my pen, pad, pursuing an RA job, and that good ol' broadcasting major of mine (pain in the behind, but it'll be worth it for sure).

Next semester, may be THE semester I've been waiting on for about two semesters now, and I NEED to have my head on right in order to embark in the journey successfully and, as always, whole-heartedly.

Transformation.

All day today I have been listening to basically, every song from Common [Sense] ever released, and man, he came a LONG way. "Can't Borrow a Dollar" is the rookie album, where Common is the FAN and not the artist. In "Resurrection" though, that is when Common starts walking on his own and the ARTIST really comes out. Man oh man, his words, how crazy were his words and the way they were used! "One Day it'll All Make Sense" is, in my opinion, the 'initial experimental' album (every artist usually has at least one), in which he invites several artists to create a new sound and a new feel for his music; very acoustic feel, my favorite sound. Fast forward to "Universal Mind Control," honestly, I'm a HUGE Common [Sense] fan BUT his words are most definitely drowned by the music. Don't get me wrong, the production on the album is on point, BUT I think Common could have had more substance in his lyrics. I still enjoy the album, but not for the same reason as previous albums.

I can't even hate on Common though, bc he is doing great things for him self. He is a good actor, a world wide figure crossing over to mass crowds, and so on. It's just crazy how sometimes it seems as though you have to compromise in order to reach greater success. Well, it's life, I guess.

Post-Script: Cannibus, now you can not tell that his lyrics weren't off the wall! "Making a Name for Ourselves" is a CLASSIC!!! Whoa, Cannibus BROUGHT IT, he was 'bad to the bone marrow'! ---My favorite

And, out of all of his albums, I think my two favorite have to be "Electric Circus" and "Resurrection." Good stuff ;-)

SevenPounds.

I'm a HUGE movie lover! I mean, I go to the movies at least twice a month, I would go even more if I could, trust me (lol).

Anywho, I really want to see "Seven Pounds" with Will Smith and Rosario Dawson. It seems very interesting, even though the trailer they displayed at the movies didn't really explain what the movie was centered around, but this trailer sort of, kind of, gives a good idea of what the general plot of the movie is.



I also, want to see this movie with a certain someone, let's see if it pulls through ;-).

Post-Script: I love Rosario Dawson, I think she is an amazing actress.

NewChapter.

So the semester is almost coming to a close. I have learned so much about myself; both good and bad, my strengths and my weaknesses, my . I also gained new methods of thinking for my pursuit n becoming a better me. With the new year steadily approaching, I can't wait to see what is in store for me, hopefully everything I've been praying for comes true. '09 WILL be a GOOD year.

AtThisMoment.

Do you ever feel alone, even when you're surrounded by people?

...I do, sometimes.

Or feel like you're constantly in the public eye, even when you're being lowkey?

...I do, sometimes.

Don'tLetGo-EnVogue.

You know how certain songs leave a deep impression on you. Every time you hear the song, you can't help but relate, either in correspondence to the lyrics, the emotion behind the artist's voice, or the music. This is how I feel when I hear this song...

One of my all-time favorite songs!

"Don't Let Go" By En Vogue



Enjoy =]

Post-Script: One of the best female groups/vocalists of the '90s if you ask me.

DoopDoop.

Albums I'm excited to hear:

1. Slim (of 112)'s new album, "Love's Crazy"(you CAN'T tell me "Bedtime Stories" isn't SCANDALOUS, I love his voice in the song too)

2. Ludacris' "Theater of the Mind" (Rebirth of a lyricist??)

3. Kanye West's "808's and Heartbeats" (basically know what the album is about BUT I still need it for the collection lol)

I already listened to Beyonce's "I AM...Sasha Fierce" album and it's pretty good, but not as great as her previous albums, but still a good effort. I know she'll go platinum regardless so...

BakeryRobbin'

I want to eat my cake AND have it,

...is that wrong?

VOTE!!!

Today, I voted.

I voted because there were MANY before me who have FOUGHT for MY RIGHT to vote!

So exercise your right and VOTE!

"I'm Not Codependant, I'm A lot Codefendant..."

Peter Rosenberg (from Hot 97) released his new mixtape, "A Rosenberg Oddisee," and one of the songs featured is from Nikki Jean, titled "Tell the Truth."

Take a Listen:



Honestly, from one writer to another, Nikki Jean is SUCH A GREAT WRITER! I know my writing is not on high enough on the pedestal as hers is, but man...she inspires me to be better and the power of inspiration is a beautiful thing! You CAN NOT tell me that you can go through this song and not FEEL her words!

My favorite line: "You think that's the sound of my heartbeat, but that's my heart banging itself against the wall." DEEEEEEEEP!!!!

-Just had to share that with you guys!

Xoxo,
-KeilaL<3ve.

Considering Feelings.

How does someone consider others' feelings as well as their own?

I mean, in any situation there are always two stories---whether someone else was there to witness the situation or not, but for the sake of analyzing, let's look at it from the point of two people.

For example, in a modern day situation, let's say there are two people...male and female. The female is attracted to the male in all aspects, but he does not share the same affection towards her. They still mess around because he IS attracted to her in that aspect, but wants nothing else from her but that; her body. He only hits her up when convenient for him; during the wee hours of the night (of course). She knows what he wants, and it's not to talk, but to say his famous words 'I want to see you.' And in wanting to SEE her, he means LITERALLY, if you catch my drift. What does she do? Although doubtful, she agrees because she wants to see him also, but not for the same reasons...well, not for the most part. So, he picks her up and takes her to his place. On the drive there, of course they talk, but it's small...nothing personal. They get to the house and they take it from there.

Obviously, in this situation you can see that he was not considering her feelings equally to his. He thought with his little friend and not his heart and mind.

Her in the other hand, she considered his feelings and desires, but not in the way that would answer my question. The only reason she agreed to go is because she really likes him, and the only way she will see him is if she trades her body for time. She knows he wants it too so she is giving him what he wants, but he does not want her for anything else but that, and she won't give him that because she still contacts him more than he would like.

So how could they both consider each others' feeling as well as their own to make it a win-win situation for the both of them?

This is a messy situation.

If she stops calling him and disagrees to 'seeing him,' then he will find someone else who will give him what he wants. He's not the chasing type of guy, he wants it to fall on his lap, literally. So, does she win? Well, she already lost a piece of her dignity by giving herself up to someone who doesn't value the gift, BUT she can learn from it and move on and hopefully find a guy who ACTUALLY wants to see her.

Does he win? Yes he did because he got what he wanted, but KARMA IS A B**CH!

I know, I know, what am I getting at? I'm just saying, it's hard to find that BALANCE between your needs and the needs of others, when coincided.

Another example, say that a girl is not really feeling a guy as much as he is feeling her and she knows he is a great guy and values his care for her, but she can not settle for only that. Does she kick him to the curve? No, she still remains friends with him BUT she must remember NOT to lead him on. BE CONCISE WITH WHAT YOU WANT AND REMEMBER, IF THERE ARE OTHERS INVOLVED, MAKE SURE THEY KNOW WHAT'S UP BEFORE IT GETS TO MESSY TO CLEAN UP.

But you know what, sometimes everyone does not agree with your wants and needs. THOSE ARE THE PEOPLE YOU CUT OUT! Say that the girl tells the guy that she knows he's a great guy, but she doesn't share the same feelings for him as he does for her. Some guys might respect you for that and agree to remain friends and some might not, KICK THEM TO THE CURVE; you were real with them. You DID consider their feelings because instead of playing them, you told them from the jump how you feel, it's their decision on how they react to it.

So, my answer to my question is YES YOU CAN consider others' feelings as well as your own, BUT it depends on the situation...sometimes you have no choice but to put yourself first...those are the F-U situations. We'll save some of those for next time. ;)

Until next time, remember November 4th is two days away, if you're eligible to VOTE, then please do so! I'm not going to say who to vote for, I just want you to vote!! I can not stress it enough, PRACTICE YOUR VOTE!!!


From my World to Yours,
-KeilaL<3ve.

What Side of the See Saw Are You On?

A lot...have been going through my mind recently.

All of which has taken me off of my main focus, but you know what, that's life. We have our moments when we fall off the balance beam, and although it may be hard to get back on and make it across...we can do it, but only with positivity, determination, and most importantly, desire. We HAVE to WANT to get there...


...Yes, some are fortunate enough to have their lives fall perfectly in place, but let's be real, that's as frequent as a tornado in New Jersey !

We're going to be thrown obstacles, and there are going to be times when you feel like giving up, but whenever there's a flat tire...what do you do? You get a new one and continue your path. AND,if you can't find a spare tire, you still push because eventually you'll get where you need to be. There are SO many times when I feel like just throwing in the towel, but I can't because if the life I strive for is not meant for me, then I would've given up a long time ago...I've come too far to doubt myself. But if you feel like being a quitter, by all means throw the towel in, because that means that your desire was tested and you lost...or maybe it just wasn't in the cards for you.

Oprah did NOT get where she is at overnight, there was hard work put in. AND I KNOW, she was put in numerous positions that made her want to quit...and who knows? She probably quit chasing her dream for a minute, but you know what, if it's really in you...you'll get back on and hold the steering wheel this time instead of sitting on the passenger seat. When you think there's nothing there, YOU HAVE GOT TO DIG DEEPER...Think about it.

...And we all strive to be proportioned one way or another, but what really is? We're living on a see-saw...there's going to be highs and there's going to be lows, there's rarely any balance. So instead of striving to be balanced, let's learn how to imbalance ourselves in accordance to our likes, our goals, and our deepest desires.

Of course, this is all easier said than done...but why not give it a try and see if your drive doesn't up its game a little afterwards. ;-)

...I know I'm trying.

Post-Script: Have you ever met or seen someone (in person) whose sex appeal is so abundant, that it can fill up an hourglass like sand?

XoXo,
-KeilaL<3ve.

Crazy, like You Belong in An Asylum.

I'm sick of love songs...

...Can't we DREAM, be FREE, practice BEAUTIFUL DREAMING; without life's UGLY REJECTION?

N Word Publication (technically/untechnically)

In this week's edition of "The Montclarion," my university's weekly editorial, this comic strip by Keith Knight (who happens to be black) was posted in the newspaper.

Many are fumed by the publishing of this comic in our newspaper and an apology was released to all the students.

*You may have to click on the image to see the full strip.*



This can be seem in many lights, some may say this is positive, some may see this as having no justification. What do you believe? Are you offended by this strip? d why would a university-based newspaper publish this comic strip in the editorial?

One more note to state is that this is not the first time that the newspaper has been in bad terms with the minority students on campus (not stating minorities as being African-American, Latino, Asian, and so on, but minority as WE are the minorities in this school's population). But now a new group is involved, the majority; the women who attend this university. This strip perceives women as incompetent. Also, when a student confronted one of the editors about the strip, the editor responded in a nonchalant matter, as though it does not matter.

::Sigh::

Sometimes I feel like any situation that involves ME and an INTEREST never seem to work in my favor. Why is that?...

And it really upsets me in a way.

Why hasn't he called? He made it seem as though he was interested? Was it all an act?

As a woman, I have to always THINK before I ACT because those same acts can have a big effect on my future, in which guys don't really have to stress about.

I have a lot of pride and sometimes that's what messes me up. I need to learn to LET GO. Of course, I can not let go of my pride, but I need to loosen up a little.

...Easier said than done.

XoXo,
-KeilaL<3ve.

ThisIsWhyKeriHilsonIsTheBomb!!

No. 1 Sex - R. Kelly Feat. Keri Hilson (Produced by Polow Da Don)




Now, before you think this is some 'lesbian' song (lol), Keri is playing the role of R. Kelly. I.E. She sings his words, get it? You guys aren't slow so I know you do!

Post-Script: I love the way she says, 'Toes Curl'...NOW, before you go on thinking I'm some freak (lol), I like that part because Keri sings it exactly the way R. Kelly would (lol)

See ya'll later,
XoXo,
-KeilaL<3ve.

GlossOnMyLips.

I am a HUGE Beyonce' fan, I mean, HUGE! I am so excited to hear her new album, can you? (I'm talking to the fans here lol)


Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)



You KNOW I'm learning this dance! --I love the outfits too ;-)

If I were a Boy

-I can't really post this video up yet because it's not up on YouTube yet, but you can go to mtv.com and watch it there. =]

I've heard this song numerous of times before, but never before has it impacted me the way the video did today.

Yes, I even cried. (Maybe it's just an emotional day for me because honestly, everything has been making me shed a tear or two lately.


Until next time, From my World to Yours,

-KeilaL<3ve.

OneofMyFavoriteMoviesEverGrowingUp.

"Love & Basketball" is one of my favorite movies growing up. I can't get enough of it! Honestly, I think I watch the movie at least once a month, no lie.

This is one of my favorite scenes in the movie (ofcourse the first love scene is everyone's favorite as well as mine hehe). I get all choked up and mushy inside every time I watch this clip. Perfect song, perfect scenario, perfect movie.



With much love and much respect,

-KéilaL<3ve.

IAlwaysWantedUsToBeThePerfectMatch.

"The only thing distracting you from me, was me distracting you"

-Tech and the Effx "Perfect Match"

...

Lately, I have been feeling extremely nervous and scared. I am (hopefully) about to embark in a very serious and rewarding event that will determine something very HUGE for me. I am just so nervous, so many questions run through my mind everyday on the subject, everday!!!! I just want everything to go my way because I really do want it and I feel as though I will be a perfect fit. Hopefully, they see that as well.

Hmm...

Well, well, well, what to write about?

Honestly, I have no idea! lol

Hmm, let's see...well, my major is a PAIN in the behind as always. It sucks up all of my time and even resulted in me having to leave my job on campus. Yeap, that pretty much sucks. My schedule is so hectic during the day, that the only time I have available to really work is at night and that's what I'm actually trying to do; trying to find a job where they need overnight people. Crazy, huh?

I have absolutely no money. I'm so broke, not even funny. I have been waiting for my refund check for this semester forever...I mean, I can taste they $$$...it just needs to be in my account already!!! I have so many plans for that money (lmao).

I have been without a phone for a month now and it SUCKS so bad! I'm telling you, every year, I go through a moment where I have no phone because SOMEHOW I seem to damage my phone. Sooo, I have to get a new phone. I want a Blackberry Curve, I have been wanting one for this entire summer. I want one in pink as well, but Sprint only has >Titanium< and >Red<. =( There might be a chance I don't get a Curve, I might get a Palm Centro in pink, who knows! I really want a Blackberry though.

There's a guy I am crushing hard! I mean, I always thought he was cute, and had a mini crush on him since last year, but definitely not as strong as it is now. I have a feeling he might think I'm cute as well. Judging from my past with guys...this might be interesting (ughhh) Let's see how this goes...

Let me leave you all with a song quote from my man Bobby:

"Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery;
None but ourselves can free our minds.
Have no fear for atomic energy,
cause none of them can stop the time."

--Bob Marley "Redemption Song"

ReadBetweenTheLines.

I'm very private, private about almost anything that involves giving even a little of me...so it's kind of an oxymoron owning a blog like this, don't you think? BUT, this is bit of therapy for me...I can't go too in depth with it though...I am VERY into words, I think besides visual art, it is the best way of expressing how you feel, so instead of directly typing and sharing EXACTLY what is going on with me in story-like form, I will post a sequence of quotes representing my thoughts for the moment.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Jealousy is all the fun you think they had."
-Erica Jong

"One of the hardest things in life is watching the person you love, love someone else."
-Unknown

"Deep down even the most hardened criminal is starving for the same thing that motivates the innocent baby: Love and acceptance."
-Lily Fairchilde

"A sympathetic friend can be quite as dear as a brother." (sister, in my case)
-Homer

"Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods."
-Aristotle

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."
-Lewis B. Smedes

"I believe one of the hardest things you can do is conquer your fears, but if you have a goal, then it's your job to open up and let it be real no matter how scary it seems."
-Unknown

"Live as if your were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever."
-Gandhi

VideoOfTheWeek.-9

Honestly, Diddy KILLSSSSS me, every time! lol



Oh, and especially at the end.

One question though, Is he eating Fruit Loops with Orange Juice instead of milk? idk man......

"Gettin'Up"-Q-Tip

If you know me well, then you would know that Q-Tip (and A Tribe Called Quest) is one of my favorites!



Post-Script: Definitely love the wardrobe, 'nuff said. ;-)

Untitled.

As I reminisce on my day, as I'm sucking on this Certs mint, I realize...

.............Men are intimidated of women who carry large company.

"Where did this come from?" you may ask.

Well, today after finishing my last class for the day...I went back to my dorm room. I was alone. For the first time in a while I was in my room without a roommate and without suitemates. It was lovely. Do not get me wrong, I loved them...they are the best...but I like my "ME" time, yanno? So I took advantage and read a [boring] chapter from one of my textbooks, caught up on the Tyra Show and thought to myself...

"Hmm, let me do something I have never done before...I'm going to eat in one of the dining areas on campus BY MYSELF..."

"What's the big deal?" you may ask.

Well, I always said that if I ate by myself here on campus...I will look like a LOSER (lol). I shook that off today and I did it...I ate by myself.

I sat there, with an insecurity inside me, but I still carried my head high (You can't let them see you sweat now lol). I had my IPod (Snowflake) on, reading my magazine, while eating my food. Soo, obviously you can assume that it was "ME" time bc I was occupied, but NOPE...every minute, some new dude came up to me starting conversation.

It was so funny to me. Just random guys...I guess it makes them feel more like a 'man' when they approach a female with out the extra baggage that comes with the extra company.

I would deeply diagnose the situation, but...honestly, there is no time for that at the moment =]. Maybe, I'll revisit at a later date. ;-)

-I'm about to go to one of my girlfriends' apartment now with my other girlfriends for a gathering =] hehe

Post-script: My condolences go to those families of those lives who were lost in September 11, 2001. =(

Currently Listening to: "Like it Like That" - A Tribe Called Quest

With much love and much respect,

-KéilaL<3ve.

VideoOfTheWeek

I know, I know...I've been a little backed up...BUT...here is this week's "Video of the Week" =]

No Sex (In the Champagne Room) - Chris Rock feat. Gerald Levert



CLASSIC! =]

I Have Got to See This Movie!!!

"Miracle at Saint Anna" Directed by Spike Lee



I love movies like this, but no one ever wants to see them with me...

AreYouSmarterthanAFifthGrader?

In the latest issue of Nylon magazine, they feature a set of questions based off of 'Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader?' Soo...I tested my suitemate, Tashie,---poor thing, she forgot everything lol.

Let's see where you stand (And don't cheat):

Grade 1
-------

1) What man is on front of the 20 dollar bill?

2) A heptagon is a shape with how many sides?

3) If you add equal amounts of red and blue paint, what color paint do you get?

Grade 2
-------

4) What color absorbs the most light?

5) Inca civilizations were concentrated on what continent?

6) Which is the longer: one kilometer or one mile?

Grade 3
-------

7) True or false: A tutle is an amphibian

8) The cerebrum is the biggest part of what organ in your body?

9) In the Northern Hemisphere, in what month is the autumnal equinox?

Grade 4
-------

10) In the equation 6 divided by 2 equals 3, which number represents the dividend?

11) What is the lowest prime number?

12) How long is one regular term for a U.S. Representative?

Grade 5
-------

13) What is the greatest common factor of 2 and 3?

14) What is the world's second largest country in terms of land area?

15) True or False: "Carefully," "easily," and "barely" are examples of adjectives.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-I'll post the answers soon =]

With much love and much repect,

Finally!

HAHA,

Guess who I saw perform last night?

LUPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mission Accomplished ;-)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

With all honesty, not just because I truly love this man and his music, but he is an innovative performer. He embodies a deep fire that few performers have within. The vibe I received from him is that he performed for the art of giving the best show he could give---he did not need a crazy set filled with lights and pyro. All he needed was a mic and a live band backing him up. That's what it's all about.

I can't wait to see him perform again...because you know I will.


Highlights:

- Second row

-Lupe performed the song >he wrote for me< j.k. "Sunshine." My friend Alyssa told me he didn't perform it at GITD Tour, so =].

-I blew a kiss at Lupe and he winked back. Haha, he knew what was up lol.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here are some pictures, I didn't take much though bc there was this tall dude with dreads in front of me that kept messing up the pictures -_-


At my house before we left


Nikki came! I'm excited to hear new music from her <3



"I told the fire-breathing dragon, you better not harm me, or you'll be sorry once you meet my one man army..."



"Wherever I go...she goes..."



His energy was insane!



Of course, I peeped the kicks



My favorite picture



With much love and much RESPECT,

-KéilaL<3ve.

ForTheMusicianInYou.

Currently listening to: "Galangatan" - M.I.A.

So uhm, why didn't this come out back when I was studying music theory in high school? I mean, we used Finale which is a great program BUT...this would have been the icing on the cake, for real.

I know my fellow musicians know what I'm talking about!

This is also a great opportunity to say 'hello' to my fellow Arts High School alumni/students, and those who take their craft serious, but never lose the fun in their endeavors. =]

Happy Friday!

WIth much love and much respect, from my planet to yours,

-KéilaL<3ve.

LikeABird.

Hey world,

Yesterday my sisters and I decided to spend a day enjoying scenery. So, we took a trip across the street to the park, dabbled a bit over there, then stayed on our front porch. Then what else? Hmm...I went to Pizza Hut with my older sister, ate and had conversation =].

My little sister, Katherine---the model that she is =]


Well, that's all folks! =]
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why so serious?




"I'm like a bird, I only fly away, I don't know where my soul is, I don't know where my home is..."



A good friend of mine, Thandie, says that this picture reminds her of the true symbol of wisdom, an Eagle! =]

My little sister, Kathy picking leaves??? I don't know.






Currently listening to: "Destiny" - Zero 7

With much love and much respect, from my planet to yours,

-KéilaL<3ve.

VideoOfTheWeek-7.

Hey folks,

This week, I chose Marvin Gaye's version of the "Star-Spangled Banner" during the 1983 All-Star Game. If I heard this playing every morning in school during the morning salute, I would have WILLINGLY put my hand on my heart to this! Man, I truly wish he was still alive. I would have LOVED to meet this incredible artist.




*You probably seen footage of this video in the latest...Nike commercial? (I think)

Currently listening to: THIS VIDEO! ...on repeat!

Enjoy,

-KéilaL<3ve.

Friday.

This morning, I got off the train and went straight to a newstand to buy some 'Tropical Typhoon' Mike & Ike's (my fav), and what did I see on the counter? Well, I saw what appeared to be Michelle Obama on the latest cover of "Radar." Check out the cover. Well done, don't you agree?

Side-note: Jeff Johnson's "The Truth" premieres tonight at 11 PM, I believe. Make sure to check the show out. I actually really like Jeff Johnson. =]

Currently listening to: "Bamboo Banga" - M.I.A.

Enjoy the rest of this Friday, =]

-KéilaL<3ve.

Flinch.

Currently listening to: "Flinch" - Alanis Morissette

Listen with me! =]


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"Flinch"

What's it been over a decade?
It still smarts like it was four minutes ago
We only influenced each other totally
We only bruised each other even more so

What are you my blood? You touch me like you are my blood
What are you my dad? You affect me like you are my dad

How long can a girl be shackled to you
How long before my dignity is reclaimed
How long can a girl stay haunted by you
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name

Where've you been? I heard you moved to my city
My brother saw you somewhere downtown
I'd be paralyzed if I ran into you
My tongue would seize up if we were to meet again

What are you my god? You touch me like you are my god
What are you my twin? You affect me like you are my twin

How long can a girl be tortured by you?
How long before my dignity is reclaimed
And how long can a girl be haunted by you
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name

So here I am one room away from where I know you're standing
A well-intentioned man told me you just walked in
This man knows not of how this information has affected me
But he knows the colour of the car I just drove away in

What are you my kin? You touch me like you are my kin
What are you my air? You affect me like you are my air
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Listening to this song today sparked a thought; made me think of a certain someone.

-KéilaL<3ve.

PanicAttack.

Panic attack (n.)

The sudden onset of intense anxiety, characterized by feelings of intense fear and apprehension and accompanied by palpitations, shortness of breath, sweating, and trembling.

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The reason I bring this up today is because last night, I was doing a lot of reflecting, and one of my many reflections were of me undergoing a panic attack (also known as an anxiety attack). At first, I didn't realize that my early spells of chest tightening, heavy breathing experiences had to do with having a panic attack. I am not exactly sure when I began suffering from them, but I do know that I was clueless of what was going on. Maybe around my eighth grade year, I began waking up in the middle of my sleep to a feeling like no other...a sense of entrapment. My chest would feel like it's locking up, my breathe would shorten out, everything felt so unreal, my mind was freaking out. It was such a scary feeling. I thought something serious was happening to my body. I would get up from my bed, stumble a little, and prepare a glass of water for me to drink...as to calm me down. Then, once I felt a little relaxed, I would crawl back to my bed, place my hand on my chest, and monitor my heart beat. My mind would play tricks on me because I began feeling as though by heart beat was slowing down (as in, about to stop), so I would inhale and exhale deeply to speed up my heart beat, and calm me down a bit. OR at times, my heart would feel like it's beating out of control, in which, I result in taking deep breathes as well, to calm myself down.

After, it occurred several more times, and I told my father about it. He took me the hospital, and that marked the beginning of many hospital visits for me, due to those 'panic attacks.' In and out, in and out the hospital I was. Almost every chest exam you can think of, I received it; all resulting the same: nothing shown. I could tell my father was getting a little aggravated with me because there was nothing wrong with me, but if nothing was wrong with me, how come I was going through these spells, series at a time?

A few months passed, and I was feeling like myself again, but fear still lingered; fear of something occurring in my body that no one could detect. Every time I would worry myself, there came that chest tightening feeling. Thus, reminiscing, I have realized...that the reason nothing severe could be detected was because 'panic attacks' have nothing to do with your health. I started realizing that I was having panic attacks sometime, late into my high school years. I began my research and almost all of the symptoms were associated with what I felt. I also, found out that my little method of 'calming' myself down, could actually harm me (taking deep breathes).

This passed Summer, I have been doing well with my panic attacks. Thank God, because let me tell you, it's not a pleasant experience to go through. Last time, I felt like one was coming was towards the end of my last semester. I was going through a shipload of stress and anxiety: My professor was accusing me of plagiarism, I was on probation for an incident I was falsely accused for being part of, my Audio Professor was being an a-hole towards me, and oh yes, how could I forget, I had an corneal abrasion on my left eye, so my vision was blurred in one eye, resulting in missed classes due to eye doctor appointments. Overall, it was an extremely overwhelming time in my life. I have no idea how I didn't have a full forced panic attack, honestly.

Hopefully, this upcoming semester will be a less stressful one. I'm a little scared though because I'm taking a 4-credit class for my Broadcasting major, and guess who is teaching the course? The professor who secretly hates me. Great. ::sarcasm::
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some of the thoroughly described symptoms (highlighted what I usually experience):

Physical

* A sensation of adrenaline going through your entire body
* Sweating
* Shortness of breath (dyspnea)
* Stomach problems (spastic colon)
* Racing or pounding heartbeat or palpitations
* Chest pain
* Dizziness or vertigo
* Headache
* Lightheadedness
* Nausea / stomach pains
* Hyperventilation
* Choking or smothering sensations
* Hot flashes
* Cold flashes
* Tingling or numbness in the hands, face, feet or mouth (paresthesia)
* Feelings of "crawly," "itchy," or "cringy" skin sensations.
* Burning sensations
* Trembling or shaking
* Feeling of claustrophobia
* Feeling like the body is shutting down/ dying
* Tremors in the legs/shaking legs/thighs
* Tingling spine
* Feeling like one is experiencing a heart attack
* Exhaustion
* Muscle spasms
* Feeling of physical weakness or limpness of the body
* Grinding teeth or tensing other muscles repeatedly or for prolonged periods of time
* Temporary blindness
* Sizzling/ringing in ears/head

Mental

* Intense and/or frightening realizations of reality
* Loss of the ability to react logically to stimuli
* Loss of cognitive ability in general
* Racing thoughts (often based on fear)
* Irrational thoughts
* Loud internal dialogue
* Feeling like nothing is real
* Feeling of impending doom
* Feeling of "going crazy" or becoming insane
* Feeling out of control
* Feeling like no one understands what is happening
* Vision is somewhat impaired (eyes may feel like they are shaking.)
* Feeling that death will come any second
* Avoidance behavior


Emotional

* Terror, or a sense that something unimaginably horrible is about to occur and one is powerless to prevent it
* Fear that the panic is a symptom of a serious illness
* Fear that the panic will not subside
* Fear of losing control
* Fear of death
* Fear of living
* Fear of going crazy
* Flashbacks to earlier panic trigger[citation needed]
* Intense "scared" feeling
* Fear of failure

Perceptual

* Tunnel vision
* Heightened senses
* The apparent slowing down or speeding up of time
* Dream-like sensation or perceptual distortion (derealization)
* Dissociation, or the perception that one is not connected to the body or is disconnected from space and time (depersonalization)
* Feeling of loss of free will, as if acting entirely automatically without control
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Today, while researching panic attacks a little more, I found some helpful ways of treating panic disorder. Here are some:

1- People with Panic disorder often can be successfully treated with therapy, particularly Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and/or anti-anxiety medication or antidepressants.

---Definitely will NOT be taking medication, but I might consider therapy ONE DAY, only if it gets really extreme.

2- Some panic attack sufferers and even some doctors recommend breathing into a paper bag as an effective short-term treatment of an acute panic attack. This balances the ratio of oxygen and carbon dioxide in the blood. Too much oxygen and too little carbon dioxide, caused by breathing too fast or too deeply through the mouth, contributes to the chain reaction of symptoms that occur in a panic attack.

---Ohhhhh, that's why in cartoons and such, the nerd breathes into a paper bag when he's in sight with his super popular crush. This is funny, but I might consider doing that since heavy breathing does seem to calm me down a bit.

3- Coping Statements — repeated as part of an internal monologue

* "No one has ever died from an anxiety attack."
* "I will let my body do its thing. This will pass."
* "I can be anxious and still deal with this situation."
* "This does not feel great, but I can deal with it".

---I WILL definitely be doing this. It seems like such a small thing to do, but it truly helps. Well, at least me, yanno?

4- Acceptance and Acknowledgement- accepting and acknowledging the panic attack.

---I am almost there. lol
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To conclude, I am not looking for any sympathy or any help. I just wanted to share a bit of me that no one really knows. Since, I tend to be somewhat of the private type, but I am working on it though. =]
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Currently listening to: The printer what it knows how to do best (on a working day), print!

Have a blast today,

--KéilaL<3ve.

Keila's Rhyme.

Hey world,

I just ran into this poem/rhyme I wrote right before the year 2007 was approaching. It's kind of cheesy, but I thought I share it, nonetheless.

Don't judge me, k? lol =]

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My name is K to the E to the I to the L to the A
I'm Smart; I'm Cute; I'm Abstract; I'm K!
My hair is long and my walk is mean
But I'm the nicest girl that you'll ever meet
Strikingly unusual, colorful, exotic
A foreign loveliness with hips so hypnotic
I could take your breathe away with just one smile and glance
And draw you closer with just one dance
Indian complexion and hair all compliments from my Arawak-Taino ancestry
One spec from a dozen, one of many that made me

I have a big heart but I'm not a punk
But in the year 2007, I'm all about having fun!
My style is my own; I try not to duplicate
I love to wear clothes that compliment my curvy frame
"I'm not easy; I'm not sleazy"
I'm classy and at times cheesy
And, I consider myself classic
Inside and out; never plastic
Girls nowadays are fake; but my personality is fantastic
My voice and swagger are fly; my conversations are real
All of which add to my appeal

I have a tremendous amount of talent and goals
All ready to be achieved
From music to talk shows
Everything that'll make me complete
College and God's will…will prepare me for success
Success will then bring me a complete happiness
I will do it all because I love it
That sense of pride; nothing but God can come above it

Now for the boys:

"Boys, Boys, Boys, Boys…boys I DON'T adore"
Don't give me your name or you number cause I would NOT like to date you
Cause *most guys are liars, players, and let's face it, NOT cool
"I got the body and the brains"
Great demeanor; it'll drive you insane
But since guys are lame; they'll never gain
Consider me a "man hater" or playing hard to get
The truth is, I don't want to deal with guy drama or stress
I try to live my life like its "golden
Dealing with guys will just leave my heart frozen
Hey fellas don't get me wrong; it's cool to have fun
But when strings get attached; the fun is done
No relationship equals No responsibility
No responsibility equals more flexibility

There is so much to say about this young lady
To tell you everything would take years...maybe
Just know I'm likeable but highly misunderstood
Get to know me? Maybe you could.
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*Man, I have truly grown up. >>I might have to do an '09 version of this poem/rhyme when the time comes.

*This is me back at the time I wrote this little number above.



Much has changed, but yet, stayed the same, if not, gotten wiser. =]

Currently listening to: "Jungle Fever" (film) playing on the tv

-KéilaL<3ve.

T.I. x Fonzworth Bentley - Rap City Booth.

For those who didn't have a chance to catch T.I. and Fonzworth Bentley freestyling in 'the Booth.'



Currently listening to: "UKnowHowWeDu" - Bahamadia

Enjoy,

-KéilaL<3ve.

Champion-Kanye.

This video gave me hiccups!...from laughing so hard! Kanye as a Crank Yanker! lol


Kanye West "Champion Video" Official Directed by NEON from nabil elderkin on Vimeo.

This is so appropriate for the time as well...with the Olympics going on and such.

Currently listening to: "Rap Promoter" - A Tribe Called Quest

Enjoy,

-KéilaL<3ve.

Pre-Goodbye,Summer.-II

Remember, in one of my previous posts I posted a Summer freestyle with no ending since the Summer has yet to close. Here is the second installment to this freestyle...strictly fresh out the dome.


(Sirens)
There goes another emergency
A piece of me is no longer with me
Basically thrown away with no precaution
Now I deal with the consequences, and yell 'emergency!'

Everyone around me is earless
as they don't hear the sirens
I'm yelling 'emergency!'
but my call is soundless

The one in control
is no longer driving the wheel
as he professes his feelings for me
I try to be compassionate, but that wasn't part of the deal

And eventually days in and days out with this person
becomes days in and days out without the person
as I try to dodge this person
I can't help but feel bad for this person

My mind is in a state of pandemonium
Traffic from left to right
I'm trying to get to the other side
but this street has no traffic light

...I'll be back with the third installment...as the Summer comes to close.

Currently listening to: "Take the Box" - Amy Winehouse

-KéilaL<3ve.

Sam Sparro-Black & Gold.

Currently listening to: "I'm Gonna Find Another You" - John Mayer

Enjoy,

-KéilaL<3ve.

Random.Random.Random.

My life is so random.

Random Numero Uns

The day started with me waking up late to go to NYC (like always). Once I got to the city and entered the building to go to my internship, I was in the elevator. This dude kept staring at me while in there, and of course we were on the elevator alone at one point. So I begin to blast the music on my IPods and the guy (still staring at me) says, 'Is that Nas?...are my ears listening right ... blah blah blah.' And let me inform you that this man was white and I was blasting a song titled N.I.G.G.E.R. (The Slave and the Master). LMAOOOOO!!! I then responded, 'Yes, it is.' (dying in laughter inside), and this guy...continues to make conversation with me!!! But thank God my elevator stop came. lol, he was starting to freak me out a little bit.

Random Numero Dos

Have you seen Kanye West's cave man look thingamajig he has going on? I usually like the scruffy look (sometimes), but idk...not THAT much scruffiness...at least not for Kanye.

Random Numero Trios

Pharrell and Natasha Polly are in the latest issue of Vogue, two of my many favorite people. They both display two looks---chic to streets.

Random Numero Quatro

There was rhis guy the other day on the train(s) with me. I had my eye on him during the entire trip, looking like some psycho or whatnot, but if you have seen this man...you would not judge me. He looked like he just came from work with his suit and briefcase (=]). I saw him glancing at me a couple times too so...hehe.

This is how it went. I got in the PATH train...PACKED of course, and for half of the trip I was in lala land, seriously. Then, I turned to my right, I believe, and there he was: tall, caramel skinned, clean cut, crisp slacks, cuff links on right, Colgate smile, sparkling brown eyes, MAN. We're in the train, my psycho self catching glimpses of him, glimpsing at me, but I was dressed in a tank and jeans, with my hair probably looking crazy ... so he probably thought I was some young girl =/.

We get out of the train and go our seperate ways. I thought that was going to be the last time I ever see him again, but I kept telling myself 'if it meant to be, we'll see each other again' (cliche lol). I go all the way downstairs of Penn Station, going to catch the light rail back home, ...and there he was!...waiting for the light rail too! You already know I was cheesing from cheek to cheek! The light rail comes, and purposely, I sat across from him...but not so we were facing each other...but I could still glance at him from the side of my right eye. I was hoping we get off at the same stop, but my stop came before his. While I was going up the stairs about to part with the light rail for the day, I looked in the window and there was a straight shot at him. He was watching me as I walked up the stairs back to normalcy.

Random Numero Cinq

Ever since I have returned from school back to my 'hood, I have constantly been approached by high school boys. They think I'm still in high school!!! Can you believe that? I felt bad for one kid though bc I was waiting in front of Barringer High for my friend to pick me up and this boy from the football team (little thing too) came up trying to talk to me. I spoke to him a little bit, I didn't know what he wanted at first. I don't really remember the conversation, but I do remember him asking me, 'where's your boyfriend?' and that's exactly when my friend passed by and I said, 'he's right there...(looked at him) sorry,' and left. Poor thing, he was probably embarrassed.

Random Numero Seiz

Don't you hate going to convenience stores and they have like every flavor of Pop Tarts, but NO SMORES!!! Ugh, they're my favorite kind! Every time I go, I see Fudge, Strawberry, Cherry, even Smoothie (ill, I know, Smoothie-flavored Pop Tarts)...but nope, no Smores!

Well, those are all the random events I could think of at the moment. Tomorrow is going to be a very hectic day, as I am working at a Step Show at the Bronx tomorrow...and ill, I have to wear a grey T-Shirt that says NAVY on it bc they are sponsoring the event.

Currently listening to: "Wake Up and Smell the Coffee" - Cranberries

-KéilaL<3ve.

JockinJayZ.

Blueprint 3...

Post-Script: Haha, 'Jay-Z Cakin' It Up'

-KéilaL<3ve.

VideoOfTheWeek-6.

Hey world,

This week's "Video of the Week" is a very powerful scene from Spike Lee's "Malcolm X" film.

The reason I chose this video is because I feel like many are not educated on the man Malcolm X and the reasons behind his death. His OWN people killed him...not 'the white man' and not just any 'random black man,' as many seem to believe. Please do your research, if not already done so. Educate yourself.



I remember watching this film when I was a tidbit and crying my eyes out, that's how deep this scene (and movie) was to me...yes, even as a child. Actually, this movie sparked my interest in the subject of History and just educating myself on the world's 'untold truths.'

Side-Note: I wish I could have told Denzel Washington (back when I met him) how perfect he was for this role and how I admire his work, honestly.

Well, don't want to lecture ya'll.

Enjoy,

currently listening to: "This D.J." -Warren G

-KéilaL<3ve.

EveryoneNose(Remix)Video.

Worth the weight (wait).



Hype does it again!

Pharrell's Shades --- 'Give me them shades Pharrell!'

Also, check out how Kanye combines the Rocafella diamond with the Star Trek sign...

-KéilaL<3ve.

Dependent.

I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T, do you know what that means?

I thought I did.

-KéilaL<3ve.

UnComfortable.

What is it that I really want?

I thought I was comfortable with the "no strings attached" way of life, but sometimes, it's like, no matter how I try...strings somehow link together.

Where do you find a fine line between friends and its benefits?

Really, I thought I have found it, but nope, it's not evident. Either one of two things occur, 1. one of the two is not comfortable with the term 'friend' and they want more of a substantial title OR 2. one of the two gets too comfortable with the idea and the 'cut off' situation becomes more difficult for them to concur...and the ironic thing is, they're the one who initiated the scenario in the first place.

If that's what I wanted, why can't [insert name here] want the same thing too?

I have always been the one to 'want the cake and eat it too' and when all the attention isn't focused on me, I seem to take it personal. It's wrong, I know, because I want the freedom to go and do what I want in the companionship of anyone I want, but when the tables turn on me...well, that's a little hard for me to swallow.

-KéilaL<3ve.

ThisIsMe-2YrsAgo.

Howdie, lol

Look at what I found! ...This is an old video (two years ago to be exact) of me playing DDR at an arcade! Obviously, since that time I have gotten much better...geesh, I was only on light level back then lol. Btw, that's my good friend Jarrell, "hey boo!" lol

Enjoy,



Post-Script: I know, I know...I'm barefoot. lol...Don't judge me. lol

-KéilaL<3ve.

DoYouKNOWHowLongI'veBeenWaitingForThis???

YESSSS!!! It's finally here! N*E*R*D and Lupe Fiasco are featured on the covers of the new Complex Magazine.



Aren't these covers off the wall???? They teamed up with notable graffiti artists for the covers. What do you think?

-KéilaL<3ve.