"One cannot both feast and become rich" - Ashanti Proverb
One simple quote. It's so amazing how this one simple quote summarizes my biggest mental scar. Mental scar? It's a piece of my mind that needs some heavy duty fixation. To me, this quote represents my obsession with wanting every aspect of my life to be perfect.
This serves to be a positive and negative characteristic of mine. It 's positive because it motivates me in my career journey. I am hungry! I want to be successful in the entertainment media field. I do not care if I have to start from the pits to the sky...I am not giving up on my all time goal =].
My obsession even reflects my ideas of being in a relationship. I have never been in a SERIOUS relationship before and honestly, do not plan on embarking on that anytime soon. I enjoy being single ya know?...but that does not mean that I will not involve myself in a relationship if a positive opportunity is granted. With that said, I am scared of lnot grasping to the perfect guy...my other half. I am too busy rejecting guys that I am scared that i won't see the right guy in front of me.
I have my picture of the perfect mate...externally and internally. I am extremely picky. I do not consider that a positive trait of mine...but it's reality. There is really no point in sugar coating who I am for the sake of who I appear to be. I am never satisfied. I always find a flaw and run with it. Never do I accept the flaw and embrace it...but how can I not embrace someone's flaws when I am not perfect? That question always bothers me.
I always try to place myself with high esteem and feel as though my mate should be just as high as me. I know that sounds a little arrogant, but I truly see it as the plain truth. Remember...no sugar coating.
With all of this said, the reason I am thinking about this is because I met a really good guy. Of course, I just met him so I don't know everything there is to know about him...but I can tell so far that he is a great guy. He texts me everyday to ask me how I'm doing and how I am feeling. Little gestures like those can make a huge difference. They are genuinely nice gestures which I appreciate...but then again...it's a little too nice. Don't get me wrong, I like nice guys, but I also like them rough around the edges. A little complicated...I know...but I know what I'm referring to lol. I know that it is too early to tell whether he is an overall nice guy or if he's a mixture of both nice and rough ... like I like them lmao.
He's always trying to meet up, but it's hard because our schedules coincide with each other. Like when I'm busy...he's not...and vice verse. He's really into basketball. He's in a Division I school...so you can just imagine how much time he specds with Ms. Spalding. I like that though. I love athletes. I have always said that I wanted to be an athlete's wife...I know...sounds a little gold digger-ish, but it's truly not meant in that way. I just always been attracted to athletes...and think that I will enjoy the lifestyle. Haha...he wants to pursue a career in the NBA...and if that doesn't work out...he wants to play overseas. Both ways...he'll still be making a name for himself playing basketball =]. So that part of his life is a plus on my book =]. His parents are both successful from what he tells me. From the outside looking in, it seems like he has a good family life which I respect.
So what is the problem? How come I can't connect to him? Like...I think he's a great person so far and I know I will enjoy his company...but I don't know...something in me just won't allow me to let go. Just breathe and let go. It's like there's a wall with no door blocking my entrance into a bond. I can't explain it. I want to give him a chance, but I know it's going to take a lot out of me. I really do not want a boyfriend...not now. I want to enjoy the single life a little longer, but I also do not want to lose out on something good for me. I guess what I mean with this quote is that I need to make sacrifices and not expect every aspect of life to be as perfect as I want it to be. I can not be in a relationship and expect it to be be successful if I can not accept its flaws.Who knows? I guess all I can do is leave it up to my Lord's hands.
---My Ideal Man---
Externally
- Soft Skin
- Nice Smile
- Soft Hands
- Clean fingernails
- Tall
- Athletic Built
- Nicely Shaped Eyes
- Dimples
- Attractive
- Can Dress * Unique Style is a plus
- CLEAN
- Smells Good
- Short Hair (Waves are nice...and a caesar is cool too
- Tattoos...not excessive and they have to have a meaning behind them
- Ears pierced...Tupac and Lenny Kravitz are the only people who can rock a nose ring and look HOT
Internally
- Intelligent *
- Can hold a conversation
- Active
- Athletic
- Poetic/ can rhyme lol
- Knowledgeable
- Successful
- Cool Swagger
- Into watching movies
- Enjoys reading
- Enjoys the simple pleasures of the world
- loves music and art *
- Creative
- Innovative
- Unique
- Thinks outside of the Crayola box
- Has his own money
- Has Goals and Aspirations *
- God fearing
- Can Dance
- Enjoys poetry and going to poetry clubs / coffee shops / broadway plays and musicals
- Respectful
- Nice but also a little rough
- Dominant Character...not a push over ya know?
- Spontaneous
- A little aggressive
- Can Drive and has his own car
- Not always on my jock...gives me space once in a while
- does not drink excessively and smoke
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