Pre-Goodbye,Summer.

This is strictly freestyle, just stating and UNstating how I feel right about now.

Summer, Oh dear Summer ... what have you brought me?
Beach trips, Parties, Sandals, Scarves...oh, what a treat!
New men, THROWBACK men, so fathomable, yet, unfathomable for this girl to see

Internships, new opportunities, on my way to space
Unstoppable, Impossible... that is my state
Compromising my relations to obtain my fate
Because God has granted me a blessing ... to stamp a name never to be erased

But, you have deceived me Summer
For these events don't leave me complete
No friends, no family ... it's only me
On my own two feet

I began my summer juggling summer class and play
Went away for a long weekend, with no retrace
Random people here and there...don't know my name ... don't know theirs
Too much fun at once to remember names, even so...I probably won't ever see them again...so who cares

Random hook ups, new dude every day
Name, place, and dates dispersed through the air...unrevealed
Fill in the blanks, unmask their faces
Nope, sorry, my lips are sealed

Family events, family outings
...Cant get enough of them
Then days turn into weeks
and I ask myself, 'Where did they go? What happened to them?'

My best friend is gone for the entire Summer with no phone nor access
Who will I now share my moments with? Who will now help me clean up my mess?
Well, she comes back home for three days...and I only see her once
Her boyfriend has seen her several times, and when she returns...they're still inseperable...but I ask 'What about your friends? What about us?'

Speaking of friends...mine are no where to be found
I spent this summer alone...just listening to my 'Snowflake' ... hearing my sounds
No phone calls, no outreach ... seems like I'm unintentionally M.I.A.
With no friends around, I have had no choice but to become my main

Obviously I have been kept constantly busy with school and my internship
Constantly around people, but still alone
I went from being a social butterfly to never using my phone

Summer you have provided me with a series of Give and Take
I gave you my social life...as collaterol for my mind
See, spending all my time alone has provided me the space to evaluate
Evaluate all situations, evaluate me and my life

You brought an old *friend back into my life
A man I would have never thought to see
We have gone from yards to centimeters in our relationship
We've gotten pretty close, so close, it frightens me

Secrets unfold and linger through my ears
Causing traffic between my heart and my mind
So much so, I'm left speechless
Summer, you can be so inconsiderate...dumped me like garbage, left me in a mess

Subsequently, I meet a 'cool kid'
He likes what I likes, he's into what I'm into
Then I mess with the cool kid
Now that's all he wants to do, and now...that's all I want to do

...But he holds value
and I wouldn't mind having him around as a good friend
But I've been through this too many times before
and I know once a friendship like this takes on this language...it becomes difficult to comprehend

There's a certain appeal I have that many try to unfold
Funny because my appeal isn't an object...so how could it even be bent?
It's within...my little weapon
As you see, as any weapon, theusage is uncontrollable... it ups the count in 'friends'

And let's talk about....tanning.
Where the hell did mine go?
I want to be a deep, cinnamon BROWN
Deep brown, as the color of my soul

Instead, I'm sweet, caramel brown
Sugar rush...spreading cavities to those who taste
Ha, but as cavities, I leave a permanent mark
deep enough to touch the base

That is far from what I desire
I want to excite with my zest
Keep those interested but not enough to be planted
Just enough to be a scattered guest ;)

Don't get me wrong
I'm not 'that' type of gal
"I just want to have fun"
Even though 'fun' recently feels too watered down to grasp

To be continued...as the summer continues to stumble by....